It's Wednesday night, at CRU...

I'm sitting there in the dark, in his not-running car, just talking... I'm thinking, Am I not hinting enough? Have I not given enough clues? At the end of the conversation, I actually say to guy who I like very much so, "Well, I gotta go because my cheeks are burning red now..." Now, if that wasn't downright saying out loud the words "I," "like," and "you," then I don't know how else to say it--I thought it was loud and clear.

Although he did seem to respond very cutely when I told him that he was the only one I would have caved for getting my blood drawn. I've never gotten my blood drawn before... The whole business sounds downright messy and perhaps a bit risky, too. Lots of needles. Lots of different types of blood. Not exactly my type of atmosphere. But when he asked me to go, did I say, "Uh, no... Thanks for asking." No, instead I say, "Umm, sure. Ok." Yeah... I am so whipped when it comes to big, brown eyes. And those eyes looked at me for a long time after confessing to him in my cunning way, (was it cunning?), that he was special.

We held hands during the prayer at dinner, and I could actually feel my heart gradually build speed to about two times as fast as it normally runs. I could have sworn something was going on during that time. Did his thumb just move? Maybe I should move mine... Did he just sorta stroke my hand? Did he? Dang it! I can't tell! At the very end of the prayer, we both gave each other a little squeeze and then released. Afterwards, I'm thinking, I wish I hadn't been so distracted during the prayer--I mean, doesn't God deserve my undivided attention?

Well, one thing was definitely good and partially confusing upon leaving his car so that I might enter mine. He'd asked me to go with him to some comedy club thing held late Friday night--from ten to midnight. This Friday night? Am I babysitting? Yes, I am... "I would love to go." Maybe I can reschedule with Susan... Maybe I'm not babysitting late on Friday night anyway! Maybe I get off around six or seven! I bet that's the case. Good, I'm safe. Better call her tomorrow though, just to be sure.

I asked him if I should bring money for Friday. "It's real cheap," he says. "So, just about any money I bring will be a safe amount?" He glaces at me, smiles real sweet and says, "It's cheap." So, does that mean he's gonna pay? Or that it's just cheap? What does he mean?!?!?!

He must know that I like him. I've made it fairly clear. We sat next to each other at dinner. We laughed practically the whole time. He took me back to my car. Offered me gum, and when I refused, forced a stick into my hand and stated, "You're TOO NICE!" So, I chewed the gum. For goodness sake, I went to the Red Cross this morning and released a pint of blood. And I did it just to be with him. Am I a sucker or what?

I dunno... It's something.

Today was my pastor's last day serving at my church. I sat in the theater, alone and in my regular spot where there's a short piece of railing available for resting one's feet. I dressed as I normally do--completely casual. The day I heard my pastor was leaving, nearly two months ago, it was at the very end of pastor Greg's sermon. It ended up being a 20 minute crying fest for me. I cried as though someone close to me had died. My little brother sat on my left side that day, content with the glazed doughnut in his hand. When he glanced in my direction and saw that my shirt collar was soaked with my tears, he held onto the current mouthful of doughnut for a moment longer than usual. He was surprised to see my face, illuminated by the movie screen in front of me, in its wet, red-blotchy spendor.

"Are you ok?" Something told me he was both concerned and slightly embarrassed by my current state.
I could only shake my head in answer. The napkin that once accompanied my chocolate sprinkled doughnut was now soaked and torn from wiping my eyes and nose.

This sucked.

When I got home from church, my parents were already in the kitchen, discussing other topics. When my mom looked at my red, swollen eyes, she gave a sympathetic look. "So you heard?" Mom and Dad had gone to the first service, therefore having known the terrible news for a full hour and a half before I did.

When I couldn't speak, I resolved to cry into her shoulder and listen to her repeat, "It's gonna be ok... We're gonna find a new pastor... I know you hurt... I know it hurts..." Afterwards, I collapsed on my bed and cried even more into my pillow. I just couldn't understand why the most talented speaker and pastor I have ever known would want to leave his profession. How would we ever find another man like him? I already knew the answer to that: no one. No one could replace pastor Greg; they could only take over, but that was it.

So, today at first service, I watched Greg (no longer with a title) as he spoke just as though he was never leaving and that this Sunday was just as any other Sunday. He didn't seem to struggle or fight back tears, but I wondered if he was hurting. I know he loved speaking, but I also know he loves his family more, therefore sacrificing his career for them. It occurred to me during the sermon that I wasn't becoming upset or blinking back tears--I simply listened and enjoyed the talk. It was refreshing and I was glad to be there. I wasn't mourning and I wasn't depressed. Even after I left, I felt fine. I feel at ease. Maybe even... at peace.

I will certainly miss hearing him speak. He was so funny and so accepting of everyone. It was easy to tell that when he spoke, he spoke to encourage and not to condemn or judge. I can only pray that we find someone to pastor the church who is just as tolerant of people and thinks on the same level as Greg. We are all on a journey--no one is better than the other. We simply have to help and love each other along the way.

I am Vanilla Flavoured. I am one of the most popular flavours in the world. Subtle and smooth, I go reasonably with anyone, and rarely do anything to offend. I can be expected to be blending in in society. What Flavour Are You?

"I love my lips!" --Larry the Cucumber

You know what?? I posted something after 10/11 and it has magicly disappeared and it make me so sad because it was a great post... Oh well, I'll get over it.

I am excited for tomorrow night because after class, I am meeting up with friends from CRU and we are going bowling at a place where smoking is prohibited!!! I didn't even know those places existed! I've decided to team up with a couple friends, (Sarah and Neal), and beat on everyone else--I've decided we're going to win.

I'm going to see one of my best friends this weekend. She goes to school in Tacoma which is about 40 minutes away. It's a private Christian school, but it's pretty popular and has a large student population. She will be the first person I have seen since everyone else has left. No, that's not true. Leah came back the weekend we went to see relientK back in September. But, I have yet to GO and visit anyone and Stephanie is the first who I have decided to actually take the time to get in my car and drive to. I'll be sleeping in the dorm and meeting all her new cool friends. I always get this feeling before I go to somewhere new that I'm not cool enough or something and shouldn't go. Ya know? I guess it's a fear of acceptance or something, which I've never had trouble with before! It's never been a problem to make friends with people--still I manage to get weird feelings before I actually go somewhere. Anyways, moving on...

I like cake.

Sweet dreams, jeffersonair fliers.

Am I to suffer "everlasting" loneliness!? jk

Friday! It's really Friday! Why have the weeks seemed to slow down? Homework, studying, staying up later, getting up early... they all contribute to lengthy weeks... But finally, it's Friday, and tomorrow is Saturday, and I don't have to do anything. The chill of autumn has reached the Seattle area and it feels so good. I walk about outside with short-sleeves while chattering my teeth and a big smile on my face. The leaves are turning gold while the evergreens remain completely unchanged. The smell of chimney smoke is becoming a more familiar smell among the neighborhoods. It always happens in the second or third week of September, when chimney smoke and pine seem to be so strong, a person's nose could not possibly ignore them. I love this season... It's especially beautiful here.

Today, I slept in late and missed my english class. Unfortunately, I had a paper that was due today, so I'm going to have to grovel to my teacher as to how sorry I am. I was really looking forward to doing peer reviews, too, however, last night's sleep was so great... it's no wonder I slept in. Later this afternoon, I am going to go see the movie Tuck Everlasting. I read the book when I was in the sixth grade and it was my favorite book for a long time. After I heard they were going to turn it into a movie, I went out, bought another copy of the book, and read it again. It's still just as good as it was the first time. So I am excited to go see the movie. I am sure they are going to make it just as good as the book, if not better. The novel was kinda short and despite how wonderful it was, I bet it could have been even greater with length. Jonathan Jackson is a very godly-guy too--he spoke at the youth rally that was held at my high school two years ago. He is just as beautiful in person as he is on screen. And I've heard he was extremely nice to all my friends who worked behind the scenes of the rally. I also read in an interview in an article of the other star of the movie. I forget his name, but he plays Jon's older brother in the movie, and he was saying that having Jonathan Jackson was so great because he thought God worked through Jonathon on the set. I think that is so rad. God is working His way into Hollywood.

I miss my friends. Normally, there would have been lots of people around to ask to go with me to see this movie, but most of them have all gone and cannot come back until Christmas time. But I refuse to miss this movie. I'm going today. Even if it means going by myself. Kyle would have come with me, but he and dad have left on a hunting trip and won't be back until Tuesday. Mom would go, but she's working. Wow! It's amazing how a person can become so lonely!

Anyways, that's all I feel like writing for today. My hands are getting tired anyway. Peace out! carly.

Don't allow length to dissuade you from reading! What I write may actually be interesting! And if you regret it later, then... Then what are you doing here in the first place if not to read what I have to say?!?!?!

It's been a great ending to a great week. I like all my classes and all of my teachers. Plus, I've made great impressions on all my professors and have come off as intelligent, thoughtful, and nice. Teachers like it when you're polite and kinda cutsy-pie shy. That's usually the type of person that I front in the beginning of a school year. After my teacher's get a good idea of who I am, that's when it becomes more comfortable and accepted when I challenge a comment either from another student or the professor. Teachers like that too--when a student becomes engaged in the class. Believe me, I've had my own share of experiences.

Campus Crusade for Christ, aka "CRU", started on Wednesday night. I was so happy to be there. Well, actually, I have a class on Wednesday nights from 8:00-10:00 PM, the exact time of CRU. But I met up with everyone afterwards at the local Red Robin and had great conversation with people I haven't seen all summer. I saw my friends John and Fiona and met some new people. Everybody is so great and I missed them so much, whether they were new or not, I missed them. I just missed going to hang out with a cool group of people every Wednesday night. They're all so cool and down-to-earth and tolerant and accepting. I hated not being able to see them on a regular basis.

Erin left on Tuesday, back to Australia for Evangelism school. I miss her already. She is going to be gone for six months and without ever coming back for any sort of visit back. Not for Thanksgiving or Christmas or Easter or anything. She'll be there for six months without coming back a single time. I guess that kinda makes things slightly easier since it would be hard to have to let her go again after a visit. I am sure she is going to be learning a lot in Australia and I look forward to what miracles and amazing things God will do while she's there. I also hope that the people here in the community will also be experiencing miracles and hearing God's voice in their lives.

Tonight, I went to babysit. I love those kids so much. And I took them to see the movie "Jonah, a Veggie Tales Movie," which opened today in theaters. I was worried that it didn't get a lot of publicity and that there wouldn't be a lot of people going to see it. Boy, was I proved wrong! And how glad I am that I was! The show was PACKED! I'm surprised we were even able to get tickets! When we got into the room, (one of their biggest, by the way), it was so full that the kids and I had to sit in the second to the front row! However, we weren't looking directly up at the screen, which was nice. We had a great time. The music was awesome and the message was great too. It was all about compassion and having mercy. Helping others when you see they need it and giving people a second chance. Not to mention how funny it was. Had there only been people ages 15 and above, I think there would have been three to four times as much laughter going on. But because there were so many tired parents trying to keep track of their kids and continuously telling them to "shhhh..." I think a lot of the funny parts got missed. I think I am going to take my brother to go see it sometime during the middle of the week and during the middle of the day. He doesn't have school some day next week, so I hope to take him to the earliest showing when there will likely be absolutely no one else inside the theater. Those are the greatest movies, when there is no one else in there with you and your friends. So you can be totally loud and obnoxious and fully enjoy the movie without feeling like you may be bothering somebody else behind you.

Anyways, it's been a great week. I was really sick at the beginning of it, but I believe it's starting to wear off. I forgot to mention that half-way during the relient K show, I'd completely lost my voice. After the concert, my friends and I went out to a late dinner and I couldn't speak above a whisper! It was actually quite funny--all my friends were laughing at me, especially when I tried to hard to speak normal and all that came was loud squeaking noises. But my voice is nearly restored to its normality. And I am so happy! I haven't been able to play any of the recent songs I've written for people and normally people would ask me to sing them something, but all week, I had to keep turning everybody down. So... by the end of this weekend, I hope I'm singing up a storm.

Talk to you later, then! I'm tired and it's getting late! Be safe! jeffersonair.