Andy is going to be here tomorrow morning at 11:40am! He'll be here for a whole week!
I am so gone!
I am so gone!
I'm cranky and I miss Andy. My allergies have been the worst they have ever been and I am currently suffering from a horrible sinus headache. The more I sniff, the more painful it becomes. Bright lights and loud noises are my enemies and the Benadryl does not help me.
A lot of stuff is happening or is about to happen. Andy will be here on Wednesday. That same day, I also have to go to Court to appeal a ticket I received for having expired tabs. Andy is going to meet my family. As well as my friends. I finish housesitting this week. I have spent one night in my apartment this month. Every other night, I have either been in Tennessee or housesitting. No one has booked me to housesit during July, therefore I have no way of paying rent in August. Amy wants to move out, and I can't pay her half of the rent either. So I will have to move out too. Back to my mom and dad's, where I will share a room with my brother. I will probably sleep on the fold out mattress I bought two years ago.
I repeat: A lot of stuff is happening or is about to happen.
My boyfriend is wonderful. He and I have talked every night since we met in Atlanta on April 30th. I call that dedication. And loyalty.
I feel cared for. And I feel happy.
A lot of stuff is happening or is about to happen. Andy will be here on Wednesday. That same day, I also have to go to Court to appeal a ticket I received for having expired tabs. Andy is going to meet my family. As well as my friends. I finish housesitting this week. I have spent one night in my apartment this month. Every other night, I have either been in Tennessee or housesitting. No one has booked me to housesit during July, therefore I have no way of paying rent in August. Amy wants to move out, and I can't pay her half of the rent either. So I will have to move out too. Back to my mom and dad's, where I will share a room with my brother. I will probably sleep on the fold out mattress I bought two years ago.
I repeat: A lot of stuff is happening or is about to happen.
My boyfriend is wonderful. He and I have talked every night since we met in Atlanta on April 30th. I call that dedication. And loyalty.
I feel cared for. And I feel happy.
Rummaging through my brother's bedroom closet (my former closet), I found some old pictures of old friends and I suddenly felt nastalgic about my youth group days and how I was just starting to get used to the concept of "high school". And I suddenly feel like writing to some of those people from that time in my life; people I have not seen or heard from in ages (for some this is a sad thing, for others, not so much).
Dear Mark Lindberg,
You were a brilliant drummer then, I can only imagine how much more amazing you are now. You disappeared sometime when we were all 16 or so. Rumour was you'd picked up snowboarding and you were too tired to come to church on Sundays. That really made me sad because you brought so much joy to everyone's day. Especially because of your ridiculousness, your sly sense of humour, and your ability to make the worst joke seem funny. Word has it you're going to school in Hawaii, studying music, which I always hoped you would. Man, you must be a pro by now. I hope you're doing well and that you've managed to escape some of the addictions you were struggling with. The pot and alcohol will catch up with you if you're not careful. And of course, I've always hoped you go back to God someday, because I remember how much He used you before. Your excessive playing of the song "Holiness" was hard to bear, but you were on fire, nonetheless...
I hope I see you again one day.
Love,
carly.
Dear Rebecca, the girl who made out with her boyfriend right next to me while I tried to do my homework,
I never understood your obsession with being of Jewish decent and your constant ramblings about witchcraft. I think your boyfriend was Satanic, although he was a nice person. He and I had Tech Theater together and he said some pretty horrible things sometimes. He took the Lord's name in vain a lot. I particularly remember the smell of you both while you made out right next to me. I tried to get up to leave, but every time I did, you made me stop and listen to more of your Wiccan knowledge. What was that thing you did with your hand and you said you were holding an invisible ball made of fire? I think you must've been crazy. I've seen you working at Target every summer and whenever I see you, I pretend I don't recognize you and that you don't recognize me. Because sitting next to you while Jim stuck his tongue down your throat is not a memory I like to remember.
I pray for you too.
Sincerely,
carly.
Dear Mark Lindberg,
You were a brilliant drummer then, I can only imagine how much more amazing you are now. You disappeared sometime when we were all 16 or so. Rumour was you'd picked up snowboarding and you were too tired to come to church on Sundays. That really made me sad because you brought so much joy to everyone's day. Especially because of your ridiculousness, your sly sense of humour, and your ability to make the worst joke seem funny. Word has it you're going to school in Hawaii, studying music, which I always hoped you would. Man, you must be a pro by now. I hope you're doing well and that you've managed to escape some of the addictions you were struggling with. The pot and alcohol will catch up with you if you're not careful. And of course, I've always hoped you go back to God someday, because I remember how much He used you before. Your excessive playing of the song "Holiness" was hard to bear, but you were on fire, nonetheless...
I hope I see you again one day.
Love,
carly.
Dear Rebecca, the girl who made out with her boyfriend right next to me while I tried to do my homework,
I never understood your obsession with being of Jewish decent and your constant ramblings about witchcraft. I think your boyfriend was Satanic, although he was a nice person. He and I had Tech Theater together and he said some pretty horrible things sometimes. He took the Lord's name in vain a lot. I particularly remember the smell of you both while you made out right next to me. I tried to get up to leave, but every time I did, you made me stop and listen to more of your Wiccan knowledge. What was that thing you did with your hand and you said you were holding an invisible ball made of fire? I think you must've been crazy. I've seen you working at Target every summer and whenever I see you, I pretend I don't recognize you and that you don't recognize me. Because sitting next to you while Jim stuck his tongue down your throat is not a memory I like to remember.
I pray for you too.
Sincerely,
carly.
Uncle Dave's website has been updated and is looking totally badass. I suggest visiting the "etc." link and clicking on "My Pal". It is a little creepy.
For those who don't know, my Uncle Dave is an entertainer (juggler/comedian) and a genius one at that. He took me on an Alaskan cruise when I was 11 and I still feel that it was one of the funnest weeks of my life.
You are awesome, Uncle Dave!
For those who don't know, my Uncle Dave is an entertainer (juggler/comedian) and a genius one at that. He took me on an Alaskan cruise when I was 11 and I still feel that it was one of the funnest weeks of my life.
You are awesome, Uncle Dave!
I hate the fact that because I've been screwed over relationally in the past, it's my own abilities that people no longer trust. I have been taken out, lead on, lied to, and left by a handful of male individuals, yet people who are close to me feel that it's due to how I am "attracted" to the wrong type of person and I should "learn" how to sort the good guys from all those nasty ones.
Was it my fault that he put on his best smile and laughed at all my jokes? Was it my fault that he failed to tell me that he had a girlfriend? Am I to blame for his false genuinity?
Every human being who possesses even the slighest bit of intelligence is going to do his or her best to make sure their better qualities are the first that you see. However, the key is consistency. If they're happy one week, but depressed for three, you simply have to wonder who it is you're involved with.
I have decided that someone who can be consistent for more than a week has a solid grasp on who they are (in the world, in their life, in God) as an individual. We're young, we're spirited, we've got a hell of a lot to learn, but when we realize we don't need to prove ourselves or hold our lives up in comparison to others, that is when who we truly are shines.
I have been interested in many guys. I have fallen for them time and time again, only to be left alone with one question in mind, "Why did they change?" Somewhere amidst the flirting and bonding and blatent affection, a thought crosses his mind and forces him to a complete stop. What was it? I'm fairly sure it was I don't think I really like her. And he proceeds to prove himself a jackass.
The fact that only one out of every 50 men is a true gentleman is not my fault! It isn't my fault that I have met a room full of jerks and only a handful of nice guys! I am not to blame for someone's lack of self or split-personality disorder!
You look and look and look and search your whole life for someone who is going to be true to you from start to finish, but it all has to begin with looking. It is like searching for treasure without a map. You have to follow your heart. You have to fail. But then, you have to keep on going. You go until you find it. And you never give up.
So stop your bitching and let go of the number of times my heart has been broken. I am a big girl. I have lived independently for one year now and I have survived and triumphed over and over again. Just because the last few guys I've been interested in have treated me poorly, doesn't mean I am incapable of finding someone who won't do the same. I am intelligent and I won't settle for anything less than I deserve. Logic and reason are key notes to my personality--It's about time you realized it already.
Was it my fault that he put on his best smile and laughed at all my jokes? Was it my fault that he failed to tell me that he had a girlfriend? Am I to blame for his false genuinity?
Every human being who possesses even the slighest bit of intelligence is going to do his or her best to make sure their better qualities are the first that you see. However, the key is consistency. If they're happy one week, but depressed for three, you simply have to wonder who it is you're involved with.
I have decided that someone who can be consistent for more than a week has a solid grasp on who they are (in the world, in their life, in God) as an individual. We're young, we're spirited, we've got a hell of a lot to learn, but when we realize we don't need to prove ourselves or hold our lives up in comparison to others, that is when who we truly are shines.
I have been interested in many guys. I have fallen for them time and time again, only to be left alone with one question in mind, "Why did they change?" Somewhere amidst the flirting and bonding and blatent affection, a thought crosses his mind and forces him to a complete stop. What was it? I'm fairly sure it was I don't think I really like her. And he proceeds to prove himself a jackass.
The fact that only one out of every 50 men is a true gentleman is not my fault! It isn't my fault that I have met a room full of jerks and only a handful of nice guys! I am not to blame for someone's lack of self or split-personality disorder!
You look and look and look and search your whole life for someone who is going to be true to you from start to finish, but it all has to begin with looking. It is like searching for treasure without a map. You have to follow your heart. You have to fail. But then, you have to keep on going. You go until you find it. And you never give up.
So stop your bitching and let go of the number of times my heart has been broken. I am a big girl. I have lived independently for one year now and I have survived and triumphed over and over again. Just because the last few guys I've been interested in have treated me poorly, doesn't mean I am incapable of finding someone who won't do the same. I am intelligent and I won't settle for anything less than I deserve. Logic and reason are key notes to my personality--It's about time you realized it already.
Life Update
Today is Leah's 20th birthday! I need to take her the present I got her. Jenn (Amy's best friend) is giving birth today. The doctor deemed her unworthy of labor, so no baby. Yet.I haven't held a newborn baby since I was about seven years old. I have had a difficult week. Andy is wonderful. I have a lot to do today.
I don't wanna be here
I don't wanna see this now
It's all wrong, but it's all right
- Switchfoot, "Chem6A"
I don't wanna see this now
It's all wrong, but it's all right
- Switchfoot, "Chem6A"
I wasn't supposed to find out until after Andy got here (on June 30th), but while we were in Tennessee, I discovered his secret surprise.
While Andy surfed the net, I sat behind him and watched him go through his Favorites. While reading through a list of articles on PitchforkMedia.com, I saw "Nick Drake" written somewhere near the top of the page.
"Wait--What's that? Nick Drake??"
Andy made his hands into fists and cringed. He shook his head and said (sadly), "No... You weren't supposed to find out. That was your surprise for when I come in July!"
I felt bad for finding out early, but at the same time, I'm thrilled to discover that a new album has been released in the UK and will be available in the US very soon.
Nick Drake's Made to Love Magic is coming soon. I'll try my best not to cry.
While Andy surfed the net, I sat behind him and watched him go through his Favorites. While reading through a list of articles on PitchforkMedia.com, I saw "Nick Drake" written somewhere near the top of the page.
"Wait--What's that? Nick Drake??"
Andy made his hands into fists and cringed. He shook his head and said (sadly), "No... You weren't supposed to find out. That was your surprise for when I come in July!"
I felt bad for finding out early, but at the same time, I'm thrilled to discover that a new album has been released in the UK and will be available in the US very soon.
Nick Drake's Made to Love Magic is coming soon. I'll try my best not to cry.
I have reached a point in my life where I do not know what I want to write, what I should write, or if I have nothing else to write that hasn't been written before. There are blips of thought that run through my mind each day, which I could easily write about but won't because they might only be interesting to me. Take, for example, the fact that I would really love to see the Yeah Yeah Yeahs in concert one day. Because I've read reviews and seen pictures and Karen O looks like a wild child on LSD.
Interesting? I'm not even sure if it's interesting to myself, but it's truth and that's all I have.
Nothing is the same anymore. No one is the same. People are gone, getting engaged, or have disappeared completely. Nothing feels like it used to. High school is done, community college is done, although there's still university. Everything is changing and when I think long and hard enough, I'm only reminded of steadily rising tuition costs and gas prices. And how much older I feel everyday.
Yet I still remember the bus route exactly from when I was in the fifth grade. I was the second-to-last stop. Unless it was Friday, when the bus driver went backwards.
Jobs. They all have jobs. And it keeps them all busy and tired and sleepy and saying, "I dunno, I dunno..." over and over throughout the day. My friends just don't feel like it these days. At least, not in my company. Except for Steph. And Andy, when we're together.
I feel like trailing off... Like walking along a beach and turning back to see your footsteps fading away as the tide steals them back. Yes, I'm serious.
But Andy will be here in two weeks. That'll feel much better.
Interesting? I'm not even sure if it's interesting to myself, but it's truth and that's all I have.
Nothing is the same anymore. No one is the same. People are gone, getting engaged, or have disappeared completely. Nothing feels like it used to. High school is done, community college is done, although there's still university. Everything is changing and when I think long and hard enough, I'm only reminded of steadily rising tuition costs and gas prices. And how much older I feel everyday.
Yet I still remember the bus route exactly from when I was in the fifth grade. I was the second-to-last stop. Unless it was Friday, when the bus driver went backwards.
Jobs. They all have jobs. And it keeps them all busy and tired and sleepy and saying, "I dunno, I dunno..." over and over throughout the day. My friends just don't feel like it these days. At least, not in my company. Except for Steph. And Andy, when we're together.
I feel like trailing off... Like walking along a beach and turning back to see your footsteps fading away as the tide steals them back. Yes, I'm serious.
But Andy will be here in two weeks. That'll feel much better.
When I returned home, I had a stack of mail waiting for me. Besides new catalogues from Guitar Center and Delias, I also received three letters from Jones Soda Co. in Canada. I was very interested to know what Jones Soda had to say. So I opened them.
Each envelope contained a "Congratulations!" letter and five example labels with one of my submitted photos printed on it. Apparently, they are using three of my pictures for their labels. This is quite the feat, because it is very difficult to get a picture onto their label, and I quote, "Because only 1% of submitted photos ever make it to the highly pined after Jones Soda label!"
You may now look for the following pictures on the Jones Soda nearest you. And be sure to read the caption on the side of each picture that reads, "CARLY BISHOP, KIRKLAND, WA" because you know you want to.
Each envelope contained a "Congratulations!" letter and five example labels with one of my submitted photos printed on it. Apparently, they are using three of my pictures for their labels. This is quite the feat, because it is very difficult to get a picture onto their label, and I quote, "Because only 1% of submitted photos ever make it to the highly pined after Jones Soda label!"
You may now look for the following pictures on the Jones Soda nearest you. And be sure to read the caption on the side of each picture that reads, "CARLY BISHOP, KIRKLAND, WA" because you know you want to.
My flight was canceled this afternoon. Therefore, I am forced to spend another day with Andy... Because apparently, God is a good God who feels I should have a taste of Heaven before I die.
PS. I have a boyfriend.
PS. I have a boyfriend.
I never seem to sleep well the night before I travel. Not from stress and not from nervousness, but from the shear giddyness that overwhelms my system.
Basically, the conversation I had with my mom earlier this afternoon sent me into girlish squeals.
"So do you think he'll kiss you?"
"Hmm... We've talked every night on the phone since we met. So I don't think I'd be surprised if he did."
"Well, I sure hope he does! You deserve a good smooch after flying to Tennessee to see him!"
Haha... But even if he doesn't... Aw, who am I kidding?! Of course I want him to!
Later, all!
Basically, the conversation I had with my mom earlier this afternoon sent me into girlish squeals.
"So do you think he'll kiss you?"
"Hmm... We've talked every night on the phone since we met. So I don't think I'd be surprised if he did."
"Well, I sure hope he does! You deserve a good smooch after flying to Tennessee to see him!"
Haha... But even if he doesn't... Aw, who am I kidding?! Of course I want him to!
Later, all!
I ran into an old high school friend today who's lost 54 pounds on the Atkins diet. Yeah... I'm not going to say anything else about that.
Right now, I question whether or not I could ever make it as a writer. I feel so completely distracted everyday, I don't know what's happening. Writing just hasn't been where my passion is these days... Where has it all gone to??
My flight is tomorrow morning at 10:28am. It's all I can think about at this point.
Nothing! I can't think of anything else to say! I'm like a living, breathing void in the fabric of time! Thoughts fall straight through me and disappear into a black abyss! This is ridiculous! Where has my voice gone?! Honestly!
Right now, I question whether or not I could ever make it as a writer. I feel so completely distracted everyday, I don't know what's happening. Writing just hasn't been where my passion is these days... Where has it all gone to??
My flight is tomorrow morning at 10:28am. It's all I can think about at this point.
Nothing! I can't think of anything else to say! I'm like a living, breathing void in the fabric of time! Thoughts fall straight through me and disappear into a black abyss! This is ridiculous! Where has my voice gone?! Honestly!