Wouldn't It Be Nice?

Sometimes, I'd like to take all my bills, moosh them up into one big ball and send one check, to one place, to pay for it all.

Oh, to dream of such convenience.

An Honest Plea.

I owe money. Lots of it. Email for details.

Oh, the Drama!

Every day this week has provided a great deal of emotional turmoil. I am overly sensitive and I get very defensive, very quickly. I do not know why. I'm angry, I'm stressed, I'm anxious and sad and all these emotions have twisted themselves into a giant knot, which I keep trying to untangle, but can't because there's always something else on it's way.

It just so happens that my iTunes is playing Switchfoot's "Let That Be Enough" and the chorus is ringing, "Let me know that you hear me. Let me know your touch. Let me know that you love me. And let that be enough." So old school, but so what I need right now.

I just want everything to be right again. I'm getting desperate.

PS. I'm a big, fat baby.

Complete the Following Sentence.

This week at work, I have felt like a:

A) schmuck.
B) hypocrite.
C) child.
D) whipped puppy.
E) all of the above... and then some.

The correct answer is E. Which is why I cranked the volume up on my headphones as loud as they would go and hardly spoke to anyone today.

I miss having really close friends nearby. I miss having a life outside of what happens to me on a day-to-day basis. It was nice when I had things to talk about besides myself. But now that I don't, I guess I should just shut up and work.

Can you tell I've not had a good day? Yeah, sorry.

*throws a pity party*

Lightning Bugs.

These are lightning bugs. They are a magical element of the South and my favorite thing here (besides Andy, of course). They are very quiet, peaceful little creatures that float through the air, illuminating themselves in a way that's quite humbling. It's almost as if they know they have something that other bugs don't, but they don't take it for granted. And I love that.

The first time I saw a lightning bug was last June, when I flew to see Andy for the second time after our first meeting. At first, I thought I was seeing things but when I saw the glow for a second time, I reached for Andy's hand and said, "Wait a second! Wait! What is that?! Do you see that?!" We stopped walking and stared for a moment. I held my breath, feeling like I was waiting for something holy and righteous to appear before me.

"Oh that?" Andy replied. "That's a lightning bug. You've never seen one before?"

"NO! I've never seen a lightning bug before! Is that like a firefly?"

"Kinda. But it's a lightning bug. Because their light flashes like lightning."

"Gasp! That is the coolest thing I have ever seen!"

And it was! And I thought about every movie I ever saw that took place outside, at dusk, when the air is cool, and a cluster of pulsating light is floating all around - you know the scenes I'm talking about! And now, I live in a place where they are common. Second nature. Normal. But how could I ever get used to them or feel accustomed to seeing them? I've only ever dreamt of being in a place where fireflies float all around you, silently singing tranquil hymns, emanating a magic that not everyone will try to understand.

It's like my strange love for Nick Drake's "Pink Moon" and how it doesn't matter where I am, or what I'm doing, if that song plays, for approximately two minutes, I am in a world all by myself. And no one else can get there. Because it's mine.

Soon enough, McKenzie and Morgan (Andy's cousins) will go out with glass jars to capture lightning bugs. And I'll go with them and I'll be six years old again, doing something I couldn't do when I was younger because it wasn't there to do. Starry-eyed and mezmerized, I'll be lost in the wonder of how they do that. How they glow. How they light up. How they got so lucky to have that quality. And as a child again, I'll wonder if I'll ever shine as brightly.

Excuse Me for Being Random.

Have you ever noticed how much I dislike - nay - loathe starting any post with "I"? There are times when I let it slide, but mostly, if there's another word I can start with, I will do so. It's eating me up right now that I've already used "I" five times. Seven counting the ones wrapped in quotes. Ugh...

Praise God above, I think I might have found the place for me. In my grand hunt for a place to live, a place I can call "home", I've discovered a flat that could be just right. Inexpensive, convenient in location, and quirky - melikealot. I'll keep everyone posted on this issue since I, apparently, wasn't the only one massively disappointed by what happened a few weeks ago.

Today, I spent a lot of time thinking about my years in high school - the friends, the teachers, the drama - and could literally feel how much I've changed since graduating. Did you know that it wasn't until the end of my senior year that I discovered the flat iron and what it was capable of when used on my hair? My life was forever altered by this discovery. And in the last few months, I've found designers that make clothes that fit my average, non-skinny body! Now, I actually feel good about how I look! No longer will I feel self conscious around even my closest friends! It's amazing how confidence can lower stress levels as well as reinforce a keen desire to simply be yourself.

I'm making spaghetti for dinner and Andy's excited about it. I'm off!

Friends.

Sometimes, I wonder if I find people with my same interests or if people with my same interests find me. Or if it's simply a matter of finding each other.

Lots of Stuff.

For one thing, Ryan and Sarah are officially, "Mr. and Mrs. Wiedmaier"! You married a foreigner, Wied! That is so awesome!

I have married friends. A handful of them now. Unbelieveable...

Sticking with that genre - Andy and I celebrated one year together this last weekend! I can hardly believe it's already been a year. I've never shared something like this with someone before. Not to mention, the way we met, got together, and started this whole thing - who thought it would last? Well obviously, Andy and I knew, but who else could have seen it?

Anyway...

We saw Weezer at the Tabernacle in downtown Atlanta. It is, as a matter of fact, the coolest venue ever. And they performed a great set. Andy sung every word to some of their songs and it was the first time I'd ever seem him do that, thereby making it my favorite part of the evening.

Still hunting for a new place. There are a couple of prospects, but nothing solid yet. So I'll just keep shopping.

What else... What else... New painting idea. I went to a thrift store that was going out of business and bought these old windows taken from a house built in the 30's and I fully intend on painting and selling the majority of them. The one I've linked is the first one I've completed. I am pleased.

Hopefully, I'll get to meet up with Lee Admissions and set up my fall schedule soon. So pumped for that! I don't know why, but man! Yeah!

So that's a lot of what's new... Maybe I'll have more to say in a few days. Or maybe even tomorrow, if we get lucky.

Playing Tuesdays at Thursday's.

Tagged.

I don't know what a "meme" is, but I haven't had much to write about lately. So okay. Credits: Michelle and Whoever Started It.

Objective: Choose at least 5 occupations from the list below and complete the sentence. If you have job descriptions to add to the list, by all means, do so in a leaning fashion.

And like a chain letter, I'll send (or "tag") 3 other people with this and give credit to which credit is do (see above).

If I could be a scientist
If I could be a farmer
If I could be a musician
If I could be a doctor
If I could be a painter
If I could be a gardener
If I could be a missionary
If I could be a chef
If I could be an architect
If I could be a linguist
If I could be a psychologist
If I could be a librarian
If I could be an athlete
If I could be a lawyer
If I could be an innkeeper
If I could be a professor
If I could be a writer
If I could be a llama-rider
If I could be a bonnie pirate
If I could be a service member
If I could be a photographer
If I could be a philanthropist
If I could be a rap artist
If I could be a child actor
If I could be a secret agent
If I could be a comedian/comedienne
If I could be a priest
If I could be a radio announcer
If I could be a phlebotomist
If I could be a pet store owner
If I could be a computer programmer
If I could be a police officer
If I could be a politician
If I could be a mom
If I could be an underwater basket weaver
If I could be a reality tv host
If I could be a forensic pathologist
If I could be a key grip on the next Star Wars film
If I could be a fairy god parent
If I could be a cast member on ?Smallville?
If I could be an Airbus pilot
If I could be U2's equipment manager
If I could be a rock star
If I could be a skunk catcher
If I could be a reality TV star
If I could be a ballerina
If I could be an astronaut
If I could be a professional blogger
If I could be a teacher
If I could be a father
If I could be a professional researcher
If I could be a hobo
If I could be a beer tester
If I could be an Olympic volleyball player
If I could be a film director
If I could be a plastic surgeon

If I could be an athlete, I would train in gymnastics and set my eyes on the 2008 Summer Olympics.

If I could be a writer, I'd already be one, but hopefully, I'd be getting paid for it.

If I could be a lawyer, I'd sue the Evil Slumlord for all he's got and get that apartment back. (I mentioned him, but I think you'll forgive me.)

If I could be a mom, I'd dress my kids in clothes from MyPunkBaby.com and when they spilt juice on the carpet, I'd say "That's okay, sweetie. The carpet needs more color anyway."

If I could be a fairy god parent, I'd turn everyone's car into a pumpkin carriage because that'd be the only spell I know.

Leah! Ryan! Seth! Go!

When We Wanted It So Bad, We Cried.

Oh, Erin. Oh, Erin... I think of how we were only a couple years ago and I roll my eyes. How dumb we were. Such girls. Crying our eyes out in your car, in my driveway, about how inadequate we felt, how unloved, and undesired. Pathetic single girls, fresh out of high school, believing with all our hearts that love... would not... come.

Let alone marriage!

All of that blubbering simply because we watched "Moulin Rouge" and their love was too much for us to handle. Everyone else thought it was about prostitution, but we knew better. Oh yeah, we knew. It was real love, man. REAL love. And we wanted it so badly for ourselves. We coveted their "come what may" passion and our bawls nearly made us sick on the drive home from your house.

And you said to me, "I want a husband." That's one of the few statements said that night that remains clear in my mind. I haven't forgotten. "I want a husband." You were being so honest, too. But I couldn't understand. Because all I wanted was a date.

We got over it though. We blamed the movie. We even said we'd never watch it again. Although, I've gone back on that promise about 28 times.

So today is the day of your wedding. And I can't even be there. Not even to point, laugh, and tease you for the past.

"And you thought it wouldn't ever happen!!"

And I can't be there to gawk at your gorgeous dress, walk down the isle as a bridesmaid, or take Leah down in one mighty sweep as I single-handedly catch the bouquet. I can't do any of that, and I'm really, really sorry. I wanted so badly to be there.

I'll make it up to you somehow. But in the meantime, this is my toast: To you and your new husband - trust, value, and love one another. Journey, explore, and invest in your future. Seek God and His will for your lives. And for goodness sakes, have lots of sex! You deserve it, kids!

I love you both dearly. I'm so, so, so happy for you.

Josh, you lucky guy.