Post-It Notes!

I don't care what people say about Starbucks. They can complain about their drinks or their prices, but they can't complain about the people who work there. At least, not from what I have seen.

The people I work with are some of the greatest people currently living on the planet, I am sure. Take Saori (pronounced "Sow-dee"), for instance. She is from Japan and left this note for me just before she got off her shift. She jotted down my name in Japanese onto a post-it and said, "Have a grood day, Carree!"

How can that not be adored?

Post Bah-Hum-Bug.

Spring semester starts tomorrow. A new year, a second start. I'm readying myself, listening to Wilco and picking out something "trendy" to wear. Those two activities are so contradictory to each other. Wow.

All this New Year business has started to grate my nerves, actually. Everyone's talking about their "good feeling about 2006!" and they appear to be getting off to a great start. No offense to you, the optimist, I just haven't had my chance to give it a solid, swift kick. My misery is justified, so please don't fuss.

Although most will disagree with me, I haven't made any New Year's Resolutions, but coincidentally, have recently decided to make new, some different, choices.

Perfect example. I'm tired of not recycling. People around here don't recycle. I don't know if it's a Southern thing, a Tennessee thing, or if it's just this city. But people here do not recycle. Everything. Every last thing. Paper, plastic, aluminum--everything goes in the trash! And I really don't know why it hasn't itched it's way under my skin until now. So I've located some recycling centers in the area. The nearest one is almost 30 minutes away, but I'm doing it. Of course I won't be a nut about it, turn vegan and start weaving daisies into my hair. But I'm going to encourage it. It feels lazy and uncaring towards the earth otherwise. And I'm fully aware how corny that sounds.

Maybe a few lights have turned on in my head. It feels like there are certain things that should take place and I think too many of us leave them to the rest of the world, counting ourselves exempt of the responsibilities of humanity. Myself included.

Take care of the planet. That should be so obvious. How dumb am I?

Inner Investigations.

A person cannot be contained inside a box. They have no limitations. Physical limitations maybe. Emotional limitations. But who they are is endless, like the universe. They just keep going. Someone who used to be shy can turn into someone outgoing. A socialite can turn into a recluse. A narcissist into an altruist or philanthropist. Who they were will remain part of them, but just not as strong. We change. Our ideas of ourselves change. We encounter new situations and they cause us to question ourselves, what we believe or believed.

I think it can be said that in our lives, we go through periods of bliss and periods of turmoil and we feel like one will eventually subdue the other. One will take permanence. Because whether we're experiencing that blissful or tumultuous time, we always ask ourselves the same question.

"How long will this last?"

As simple as someone may seem, I know they are infinite. God is infinite, so they must be also. People who label themselves one thing or a couple of things have really started to disappoint me. Recently, when someone has asked me what I do, I've had this impulse to say "I am me," and nothing else. But I know they won't understand, and so I say what makes sense to them. "I'm a student. And I work at Starbucks." Sorry, but I much prefer my first answer. I don't know how many times more I can go without saying it instead.

I moved out here, away from everyone and everything I know, and in the process, forgot who I am. Admitting to this is scarier than I thought it would be. How could I lose myself so easily? I already know the answer is because I lost my sight on God.

I'm not sure how to be anymore. I want to be myself and know that people enjoy who I am. To live without expectations from anyone, so I can make mistakes and be forgiven, encouraged, and loved despite. I live in fear of what I could do wrong, even if I haven't done anything wrong yet. Eventually, I will do something wrong, and the present fear keeps me from myself. It's exhausting, living this way. All my energy and joy is smothered by the constant worry about whether or not I'm being how I should be. Sometimes, trying to be what people expect me to be ends up being the wrong thing to do. But when I'm myself, I do wrong too.

I miss when the only expectations I had to meet were the ones set by myself and God. If I failed myself, I could give myself a good tongue-lashing. And if I failed God, I would cry and say I was sorry and I'd try harder and God would whisper in my ear, "I love you, even in all your faults and sin. I love you so much. I won't let you go, even when you do wrong, because I adore you." And when I heard that, it made me want to be that much better.

I am something beautiful decorated in flaws.