What I'd Give.

Random Collection of Thoughts Accumulated in the Last Week:

Christy-Anne called me a "secret weapon in God's arsenal." It was cool.
George is my best friend and my best times are spent in his company.
My second review came swiftly at Starbucks and I scored the highest you can score, thereby rewarding me with another raise. Huzzah!
I've been craving God lately. I miss Him. I'm tired of missing Him.
Finals week is approaching... Scary times...
This week, I'll buy a Christmas tree. A real one.
I'm taking pictures. And people have been pleased with them thus far.

Blogging used to be so much easier than this. Why do I struggle to think of things to write each time I make an attempt? Maybe it all goes back to what inspires me most... That would be God. And I miss God... So maybe that's why? I don't know. But that's all I've got.

At least Seth Worley thinks my writer's block is only temporary.

Happies!

Happy Post-Thanksgiving!

Happy Black Friday!

Happy everything!

I am really happy and I hope you are too!

Lately.

Jenny Slide 7.
Originally uploaded by carlybish.

I've been taking pictures lately of all my friends. The one above is of my friend Jen. I've known her for a while. She used to work at the place I would play open mic on Tuesday nights. Now she comes to Starbucks all the time and I'm the one making her drink. She's a classic beauty. She's always wearing these amazing garments, which she's found at local antique places or she gets them from people who've inherited them from their grandmothers. I was going through the 500 plus pictures I took of her today and was stunned at the fact she wasn't wearing an ounce of makeup. I'm really enjoying this whole photography thing. I hope it becomes something more.

A Bunch of Little Big Things.

Elise is approaching her bone marrow transplant and I find myself increasingly nervous when I receive a new update. The doctors continue to say how "remarkable" her reactions have been to the treatment. I can only hope and pray that continued prayer for her and her family is what is responsible for these little miracles in the process of battling the leukemia. Praise God.


Next Monday is going to be a great day because George is moving back home. He's been away for a few months now and he would say he is "more than ready" to come back. And I am so relieved. It's been rough without him here considering how everyone's schedules seem to conflict so much. Trying to squeeze in hang-out time with friends has been an excruciating process. I hardly see the girls I live with let alone friends from work or school. But George is my best friend and we'll likely be inseparable once he gets here. Work will be a lot more fun too...


As for me, I've been going through my own emotional breakdown and reconstruction. It was around this time last year that things fell apart in my relationship with Andy. Against my own will, I find myself replaying moments from the past and afterwards, I'll feel so angry. Too angry, in fact. I'd rather not think of him at all because when I do, I become bitter and overwhelmed with pity for him. I guess I'm ready (and quite anxious) for that part of my life to be completely behind me. I don't want to remember it anymore. It's not worth remembering. As much as I want to list out all the horrible things he ever did to me, it would accomplish nothing and it would be spiteful. And I know I'm better than that. So I won't.

It's going to be a lot better this year. I'm not alone and I feel incredibly strong from the relational beating I've received in the last year. It was an undeserved flogging of my already sensitive heart. But now, I feel prepared. So if anyone tries it again, I hope they're prepared. Because I'll come back just as strong.

I'm not just a dumb girl.

WTF?

How did you ever convince yourself that whistling at me as you drive by with your head hanging out your rusted pickup truck, flapping your yellow tobacco-stained tongue, would ever turn me on?

You must be really, really dumb.

Bollocks.

Today hasn't been the greatest of days. Last night, I went to bed feeling sick to my stomach and waking up to feeling worse. I tried to sleep it off and for the most part, I did, but half the day went by in the process.

Later, I went to Starbucks to work out a glitch in my schedule. Presently, I am supposed to work from 9:15pm to 2:30am on Wednesday night to set up the holiday decorations only to return Thursday morning at 6:45am and work an eight hour shift. It's not my fault the schedule was set up that way, but the management's. However, I'm still stuck with the responsibility of fixing it, which I don't understand. I went to our store manager and basically asked him what to do because it was important to me that I don't lose hours. He replied sarcastically, "So you want your cake and to eat it too?" To which I answered seriously, "Yes, I do. I want to get fat on cake." We looked at the schedule together and he found three people I could switch with, however all of which were working shorter shifts, so no matter what, I'd be losing hours and still, he made it my task to call these people to find out if they're willing or capable of switching. By that point, I was so annoyed with his lack of concern for me that I said, "Forget it. I'll just stay up all night. I go to sleep after class on Wednesday, sleep until 9:00, come in and then just stay up until I have to come in at 6:45..." My boss hardly listened, just continued to gaze at the schedule, naming off people I could switch with while taking a hit in accumulated hours. Eventually, something else got his attention, I grabbed my planner and headed for the front door. My boss called after to me, "So yeah, Carly. Are you gonna switch or are you just going to stay up all night?" I turned and said, "Whatever, I'll figure it out," and just kept walking. I was so angry.

And now I'm home. Trying to figure what I'm supposed to do. If I should just stay up or actually call one of these people and ask them to switch their schedules with me. It's such a headache. And I really thought I'd get more priority, considering it's been a year now since I started working for this company.

I just feel completely ignored.