carlybish.com

Here I Go!

2009-04-24T11:00:00.003-04:00

"Hello!"*
Originally uploaded by carlybish

Got some upcoming changes to carlybish.com in the approaching weeks.

I'm graduating on May 8 with my degree in Communication Studies and a minor in Religion. I only recently discovered I earned a minor, which goes to show how involved I've been in my schooling during the last few semesters. I just thought they were required classes and it turns out they were more than that! Huzzah!

You might be wondering what possible changes might be coming to the site and I don't mind hinting. In fact, I've been hinting at this idea for a few years, I just never had the time, money, or energy to make it happen until now. With one more tuition reimbursement on its way from Starbucks, I'll be able to fund some of these changes I've talked about in the past. I would like this to be somewhat of a surprise, so I won't give everything away. Just look for a new look, a new "slant", and a bigger focus. Overall, I think you're really going to enjoy it.

If you are still reading, thank you. I always kept the site running because I knew I'd be using it more someday. The last few years have been tough with school and work but I'm ready to get creative, which is who I am. So stay tuned and keep checking your RSS feeds!

Story Time!

2009-04-03T14:00:00.001-04:00

Spring Break Photos.19
Originally uploaded by carlybish

What I'm about to describe is like a really funny Arrested Development episode. Of course, as it was unfolding, I took it pretty seriously, but as I retell the story, the reaction I get is laughter, even from myself. Still, I hope you can imagine, if you were in my shoes, how frustrated and angry you would be if this same thing happened to you.

Okay.

First, let me say that stealing is one of my most hated petty crimes. I experienced theft for the first time while I was in high school when someone decided they liked a sculpture I made in art class enough to steal it. I never saw it again. I worked exceedingly hard on that sculpture and at the time, my heart was broken over how someone could just steal it. To me, they didn't just steal the sculpture. They stole my hard work and the time I invested into it. So stealing it like that does not compute in my own brain because I cannot look at something with someone else's name on it and think, I want that so I'm going to take it.

If you've read earlier posts, you also might remember how I responded when George's toolbox, which my dad bought for him with brand new tools, was stolen out of the back of my car. Part of that was our responsibility because we accidentally left the tools in the car while the car was at a mechanic's shop. But regardless of the circumstances, they were stolen and I was pissed! We ended up taking the mechanic to court and settled on $400 retribution to purchase replacement tools. I was thankful to get anything back at all!

And this brings me to our most recent experience. While in Seattle, George and I asked a friend to stay in our apartment, to care for "Hazey Jane" and to bring in the mail. Before we left, I had purchased an iPod Nano from Amazon.com that would sync with the Nike shoes that George had bought me for my birthday. I purchased both in hopes to keep track of my workouts, especially my running, since I've been training for several 5K races. I bought the iPod on February 15 and it did not arrive by the time we left on March 6. I told our friend to look for it in the mail because March 10 was the last day for it to arrive. March 10 came and went and the iPod never showed, so I was forced to contact the seller through Amazon and inform them the product I purchased never got there. I was frustrated, but it was the sender's fault for not sending it with a tracking number and Amazon had a purchase guarantee, so I knew I'd get my money back.

On top of never getting the iPod, the morning we left for Seattle, I realized I'd left my phone at my sister's house in Queen Anne. There was no time for us to get it before going to the airport, so my sister said she would mail it to us.

After getting back to our apartment, I went through our mail again and saw there was nothing of real importance in there. Not even bills or statements. It was all junk. I was a little surprised at this but I still didn't think much more about it.

A couple day after being home, George decided he wanted to purchase a new racket because he loves to play racquetball at school. He made the purchase online and ordered it 3-day mail with UPS. On the sixth day, when it still had not arrived, George contacted the seller and they contacted UPS, who confirmed they had delivered the racket to our address three days prior.

At this point, my sister had sent my phone priority mail and I should have received it by this time. But I hadn't. I could stop wondering, What is going on with our mail?

Since George discovered the racket had been delivered, he decided to ask our neighbors if they had seen any packages floating around the building. The first neighbor he spoke to, Jennifer, said she hadn't seen any package but that she had been missing mail. For example, her grandmother sent her a birthday card with $100 but she never got it. George then went to the neighbor across the hall and who also happens to have all our mailboxes located just outside her door.

I have to preface this regarding this particular neighbor. Her name is Penka (pronounced, "Pinka") and she is mentally challenged and lives on disability. She has a "mentor" named Marcia whose phone number I had because of the times we had trouble with Penka. Sometimes, Penka would be caught smoking inside her apartment and other times, she had tantrums, screaming and pitching fits that everyone could hear. So having Marcia's number had come in handy when Penka was being disruptive.

When George went to ask her about his racket, Marcia was with Penka but excused herself to the bathroom. Penka stood at the door and George asked her about the racket.

"Penka, have you seen a package from Racquetball Depot anywhere around the building?"

"I didn't take it!"

This was Penka's immediate response. George didn't quite know how to react, but being the sweet guy he is, simply said, "I don't think you took it. I was just wondering if you'd seen a package..."

Penka started to fumble with her response, "Oh, um... I saw a package, but, um, I didn't take it. I didn't take it."

"Okay, okay," George said. "If you see it, will you come and tell me?"

Penka nodded and George went back to our apartment. Only one hour later, Jennifer, the neighbor who lives across the hall from Penka, came to our door to let George know there was a racket in it's case sitting on the radiator outside Penka's door.

At this time, I was at work. George called me to let me know everything that had transpired. And I finally--FINALLY!--put it all together.

"George, what about the iPod? And my phone?!"

"Oh my gosh!" The lightbulb came on for George just then.

That's when I called our landlord, Nicholas. After talking with Nicholas, it was a tough situation because we were accusing a girl with a disability of committing a felony! Still, I was bound by determination to prove that she was stealing residents' mail because as long as she lived there, she had perfect access to continue to do so!

The next day, on several different occasions, I went to Penka's door and knocked. I was ready to confront her about the stolen stuff. However, she refused to come to the door. I knocked and knocked and I could hear nothing. But I knew she was inside because she is known for not having a car and for being home all day. After four or five separate attempts at talking to Penka, I finally called Marcia, her mentor. I explained to her what had happened when George asked Penka about the racket and told her about the iPod and my phone. Marcia wrote all the information down and assured me that she would "turn that apartment inside out" looking for our things. I was so glad that Marcia believed what I was telling her and decided to confront Penka herself.

Which she did. Less than an hour later, Marcia arrived. Penka finally answered her door when Marcia knocked. I couldn't help listening in the on confrontation. Penka began to yell that she hadn't done anything wrong but 20 minutes into the confrontation, I could hear Penka ask Marcia, "Am I going to get in trouble? Am I going to get in trouble?"

George and I live upstairs in our building and we have a good view of the next door's yard. We could hear Penka and Marcia walk through our building's hall to go outside. George was getting dressed for work and watched Penka through the window as she went to the neighbor's yard, pushed some leaves and dirt out of the way, pulled something out, cleaned it with her shirt and hand it to Marcia.

It was my phone! She BURIED MY PHONE OUTSIDE IN THE DIRT! On top of that, it had been raining all day! George looked at me, shocked, and exclaimed, "She had your phone! She buried it outside! She took your phone!"

At this point, even we were laughing about everything that was taking place. I couldn't take any more so I finally went downstairs to see Marcia and Penka. I told Marcia that I was the one who called and Penka's, whose eyes were filled with tears, stared at me in disbelief. Marcia told her to give me my things. Penka retreated into her apartment and came out with the iPod and the case it came in. I proceeded to tell her that we saw how the phone had been buried outside and probably wouldn't continue to work, so I would have to buy a new one. Marcia assured me that Penka would compensate everyone she stole from, including Jennifer, whose birthday card and $100 she took. Along with my phone, iPod, and George's racket, she had also taken a shirt that Jennifer bought online, two CDs another neighbor had ordered, and a birth certificate, which she threw away because she didn't know what to do with it!

Needless to say, Penka was evicted and moved out of our building earlier this week. I purchased the same model phone I had before, which was $382 retail.

Luckily for us, we've already received a check to pay for the phone and Jennifer was compensated as well. We've officially decided to get a PO box and to keep much better tabs on the mail we're expecting to receive.

Penka is extremely lucky that no one wants to press charges. Stealing and tampering with other people's mail is a federal crime and in her case, she'd probably end up in some type of institution. I am going to inform the local postal services about the situation so they are aware of her history, but only to protect anyone else who lives in close quarters with her.

She couldn't explain why she stole anything. I figure she couldn't get my phone to work and that's why she buried it outside... I'm really glad she didn't throw it away or flush it down the toilet.

So that's the story. I hope you enjoyed it. And I hope and pray you never have to go through it. Or if you do, it's as humorous as our experience. At least I got a new phone out of the deal and a story to tell for years to come.

Speaking of Ground Hog's Day...

2009-02-11T22:33:00.001-05:00

Real Snow!
Originally uploaded by carlybish

The picture was taken on February 2nd. I woke up that morning and the biggest flakes of snow I've seen since 2004 were looking for places to land. I had the day off too, so I thoroughly enjoyed lying in bed until the wee hours of the afternoon, playing with my camera and watching the view outside. It was not a typical sight considering how often we associate "Ground Hog's Day" with routine and repetition.

Most days, I function the same way. I wake up, I eat breakfast, I go to class or I go to work. Sometime during the day, I visit the gym. I eat five small meals throughout the day. I see George at the end of the night, after he gets home from work, we watch something we DVR'd and then we go to bed.

Done.

And I don't really mind being on this daily route of activities. As far as I'm concerned, I see the light at the end of the tunnel; Seattle is in sight. Meanwhile, I've made myself into my own personal project. I'm working on myself. I'm improving. I'm discovering what I'm capable of, which turns out to be a lot more than I ever thought!

In just over three weeks, George and I will fly back to Seattle. Our first visit in just over one year. We were in Seattle last year during spring break and we'll be there again this year. It's going to be a bit crazy this time around. One, because the last time I saw my one and only darling niece, she was three months old. This time, she's going to be one year and three months old! Quite the difference! And two, no one has seen me since I started personal training in August. That's seven months of working out diligently! I'm very curious to whether family or friends will notice the change in my form. Sometimes, I think I notice it in myself, other times, I wonder where there's change? Either way, I really hope they're impressed with my progress. I thrive on good feedback. George gives it to me all the time--which I love!--but he sees me everyday. It's different when it's said by someone you haven't seen in a long time!

And I'm not sure how to tie in the rest of what I want to say, so I'm just going to make a list of random things:

- This past Sunday, we had our friend Robert come over for breakfast. He was only there for about 30 minutes, but in that short amount of time, we had a really nice talk, laughed, and shared some thoughts about God and I really felt connected. It was SO nice!

- Someone I only "kinda" know tagged me in a note on FaceBook about lukewarm Christians and I got really defensive based on a past conversation this person and I had. At first, I was really angry and offended and now I just feel guilty.

- I was sick with walking pneumonia about two weeks ago, but I'm still going to go through the 5K I signed up for on February 28th.

- Our friend Josh (aka "Utah") flies in for a visit tomorrow and will stay with us for about six days! I'm excited to hang out with a good friend.

- So I guess that's mostly it. I'd like to vent more frustrations, but I'm afraid of who reads this, so I'm done for now.

January 16, 1984!

2009-01-24T22:26:00.001-05:00

I'm 25 Years Old!
Originally uploaded by carlybish

Last Friday, I turned 25 years old. Believe it or not, I started this silly blog when I was 17. Hard to believe, right?

I was 20 years old when I first arrived to southeast Tennessee. So much has changed in just five years since I moved here. I transferred to a new university, my heart was broken, I got a job at Starbucks, I met George and began to mend my heart... And a lot more. Who knows what will take place before we move back to Seattle in just little over one year from now?

When it hit me that I was actually turning 25, I struggled with the idea a bit. For me, this means I'm completely out of the "relatable" range of those between the ages of 17-22 and can now only relate to people between the ages of 23-29. It's like every time an 18-year-old girl starts working at Starbucks, the maternal button gets pushed and I get really protective and advice starts spewing forth without restraint! I use phrases like, "I was your age not too long ago!" and "Trust me, I've been there! I know what it's like!" And while they totally respect and honor my "vast" years of experience, they still think their situation is the exception to my rule. Which it isn't, but...

Regardless, I've adjusted to the idea of being 25. I've got some good things going for me at the moment, which makes this easier. I'm in my last semester at Lee University! I'm only taking two classes, so compared to past semesters, I feel like I have a lot more time to do things I love. I just got a new lens with birthday money I received--Thanks, Mom!--and I'm looking forward to doing more portraits and engagements. I'm also working out at least 1-2 hours a day and I'm feeling great! I've started training for my first 5K and I'm excited to see where that leads. So a lot of cool things!

I still feel like God is far away, but I keep holding on to this hope that one day, we'll be close again. I take the responsibility of not doing what I should be doing more often--reading my bible, praying, going to church--but I honestly feel like none of those things would help right now. George has been to three different churches in the last month and none of them impressed him enough to want to take me back. More than anything, I wish I could get together every week with a few close friends to just talk about God and the crap we've dealt with the past week. There's something about being broken and meeting with other broken people to submit to our brokenness and ask for God's help.

I'm in transition. I have been for nearly five years now. And I'm almost ready to accept this period of suspension as a part of who I am. Before, I wanted to get out of this place and forget it ever existed, but as much pain as I've experienced here, there's no way I could forget the things that were good. I wouldn't even be surprised if I came back to visit.

Will Paint For Food.

2008-12-01T03:42:00.004-05:00

Will Paint For Food.

When I moved out of my parents’ house, I was 19 years old and had no idea how I would pay my bills. Other than the occasional babysitting gig, the only job I could get was as a retail clerk in an organic dog food shop, working a mere 16 hours per week at minimum wage. Rent was $400 and I didn’t even want to think about utilities, cable, or grocery expenses. Being on my own was the result of my own free will, naive and ignorant as it was, but it was a choice I made against the advice of my parents. I found myself suffering from idyllic thoughts of surviving on my own, scraping by, and leading the life of a “starving artist.”

And I did starve.

But sometime between bagging doggie treats and chew toys and being “babysitter” a couple nights a week, I started painting. A lot. Not a day went by when I didn’t have paint somewhere on my elbows, knees, and inevitably, my hands. For hours, I would sit in the middle of my living room floor with brushes, towels, and cardboard slats covered in acrylic paint of every color. Eventually, the colors would blend together to form different shades of brown, but the result would always be an original work of art. I painted every spare minute I had and then I would sell my work.

On Ebay.

And they would sell! People from all over the country, in various parts of the world, would bid and outbid for my paintings! That’s right, ladies and gentleman! My paintings can be found in states like California, Texas, Michigan, Florida, Virginia, New Jersey, and foreign countries like Canada and New Zealand! So yes! One of my paintings might be mounted in a doctor’s office that you visit, in a bank where you have an account, in a house of your friend, or maybe in your own home! I often wonder if I’ll happen upon my work while traveling or taking a vacation. I wonder if I would recognize it if I saw it. And what if, decades from now, someone takes my artwork to the Antique Roadshow and they learn the two dollars they spent on their neighbor’s painting at a garage sale was an investment worth thousands?!

It could happen, right?

Thoughts of being the “next Picasso” aside, the babysitting, dog food selling, and paintings on EBay was enough to pay all my expenses during my first year as an independent. So sufficient, in fact, that I would even have a handful of change leftover! I ate like a canary and lived like a gypsy, but I would not have changed it for my own condo or personal chef! I didn’t want luxury! I loved my sketchy apartment where only half the electrical wall sockets worked and with carpet that smelt like cat pee! Because I was living more than I ever had before. Everyday felt like a white canvas, one that I could paint in any and all the colors I wanted! Some days were abstract, others felt like self portraits, but everyday was a chance for art and self reflection. I wanted to paint the whole world with colors from my soul’s palette! I wanted to leave my signature in the corner of each day’s canvas, to call it mine, my own, a complete original work of art...

By me.

My "Mona Lisa" Is A Guy Named Derek.

2008-11-28T18:36:00.003-05:00

My "Mona Lisa" Is A Guy Named Derek.

“Take a picture of my pecker!” the man slurred at us.

“No, Derek! No!” the woman shouted, simultaneously amused and concerned.

The two clung to each other as they walked a short distance ahead of us on a street in downtown Seattle. Fireworks continued in the distance while lines of toilet paper soared over our heads and empty beer bottles rolled down the sidewalk. Cars piled into the streets, one right after the other, honking and blaring into the new year. We strolled along, taking pictures of the city, the happy chaos of everyone around us, and feeling like the only two sober people within a 10-mile radius.

My friend, Ryan, and I had ventured into Seattle specifically to take pictures of people celebrating. For me, photography was new and I was still figuring it out. As I learned more during my last year of high school, I grew increasingly fascinated with photojournalism. Meeting people all over the world and listening to their stories started to feel like a calling! So on this particular night, Ryan and I were feeling ambitious as we photographed drunk “crazies” who probably wouldn’t remember us in the morning!

“Derek, stop!” the woman shouted at her friend again. Now she was getting frustrated. “We need to get you back to your apartment!”

“No way!” Derek protested. “These people want to take a picture of my pecker!”

Derek whirled around and wobbled in front of us. As he barely stood up straight, he asked us one more time if we wanted to--ahem--take his picture. Ryan looked at me as if to ask, Should we? I looked up at him in girlish fear and bashfulness. At that, Ryan replied to the man, “Why not?”

What felt like minutes of anguish was, in fact, a mere 30 seconds while Derek struggled with the zipper of his jeans. Watching him, I wondered if the next gust of wind might knock him over. I aimed my camera, focusing the lens on anything above his waist. His eyes appeared closed, like he was sleeping. The corner of his mouth had a slight crook in the corner, as if he might burst out laughing at any moment. But even in his stupor, I was charmed by his uninhibited vulnerability and blatant humanness. Maybe he wouldn’t act this way without the alcohol, but strangely, I was overwhelmed with compassion for this random guy we met on the street.

His friend stood off to one side, clearly battling her own buzz, but even more embarrassed by her friend.

“I’m really sorry about this,” the woman said, crossing her arms in front of her.

“No, no, it’s fine,” Ryan replied in genuine consolation. After all, we both knew this was going to make a great story to tell our friends later!

Eventually, Derek managed to unzip and posed for us, pants down, like a nude model in front of a group of art students. Of course, if this had been a still-life exercise, we all would have failed because of the model’s inability to hold a pose! Regardless of the circumstances, we lifted our cameras and clicked enough times to satisfy Derek and he pulled his pants back up to his waist.

Derek took a cigar from his jacket, bit into it and through clenched teeth, exclaimed, “Now, that’s what I’m talking about!”

He barely finished buttoning before he began trudging down the street again, his feet lacking any sense of direction while keeping one arm draped over the woman he was with before.

I stood there, watching the two continue on their staggered journey. “What just happened?” I asked Ryan.

He grinned, “A man just flashed us.”

“I think it was a little more than that,” I said, but I wasn’t referring to Derek.

“Happy New Year!” Derek called out to us.

“Yeah, thanks!” his woman-friend added, probably because of our willingness to indulge him.

“The pleasure’s all ours!” Ryan yelled back with a wave.

And he was right about that much. That moment was truly ours to be had.

My Disney World.

2008-11-13T14:15:00.004-05:00

(This is the first short essay for my project. I have an Intro page, but it needs more work. But I don't want to keep anything that IS complete from my clammering readers! So enjoy this first essay. And comments are welcome and encouraged!)

My Disney World.

In 1994, I was a fifth grader and like everyone else in my class, had seen The Lion King about six times during the summer. Even as a 10-year-old, I was captivated by the artistic skill possessed by the movie’s illustrators. The colors in the sunrise during the opening scene, the way the birds flew in the sky--every detail made me forget it was animation. Inspired, I knew when I grew up, I wanted to be an artist for Disney Studios, but I had to start practicing right away!

I collected The Lion King cards from Burger King kid’s meals and practiced drawing “Simba”, “Timon” and “Pumba” for hours in my room. I never tired of my parents’ reaction to each completed sketch, their disbelief and puzzlement.

“Without tracing?” my mom would ask.

“Nope!” I beamed. I was even impressed with myself.

Around this same time, an artist from Disney came to Seattle for a conference. Without hesitation, my mother drove me and a folder overflowing with drawings to where this man was speaking. When we arrived, I found myself speechless and awestruck as I stood just three feet away from him. As he spoke, my thoughts floated away and I imagined how this man might respond to the sight of my artwork.

“You did these yourself?” he asked in my dream. “YOU?”

I would, of course, maintain my youthful modesty to such a question with a simple nod.

Then he would exclaim to everyone in the room, “I’m sorry, ladies and gentleman! I must leave immediately to take this young lady to Disney Studios! Her talent is undeniable and must be harvested!” Taking my hand, he would escort me to his limo outside. We would drive to the airport, our flight bound for Orlando, as I was destined to become the youngest Disney illustrator ever!

Of course, the man from Disney did not take me back to Orlando with him, but he did look at my folder of drawings and even gave them a compliment or two. His response was more than enough to fuel my passion. So I drew constantly, studied Disney characters, and checked our mailbox everyday for letters from Disney Studios. Surely, they’ll send for me any day, I thought to myself. Any day...

My aspirations remained the same until my sixth grade year, when they abruptly ended. Our teacher brought a video camera and recorded each student confessing their deepest desires. She said when we were really, really old and returned for reunions, we would watch the video and muse over our childhood dreams. So after stammering into the camera about being an artist for Disney someday, an eavesdropping fellow student dropped a bomb.

“You know when we’re grownups, cartoons will only be made by computers,” he said bluntly, like a direct punch to my abdomen.

“No, they won’t!” I said defiantly. But the seed of doubt was already planted, my dreams suddenly uncertain like they never were before.

I raced home.

I checked the mailbox.

No letter.

No matter! I refused to recognize the validity of a malicious boy’s comments. I would not give up on my vocational dreams! I would draw, draw, draw and soon, very soon, a letter from Disney would arrive offering me a position. Or a man with a limo would arrive on my front door urgently seeking my profound tutelage! Nothing would deter me from pursuing my dream as a Disney illustrator because I knew, for a fact, animated movies would always be made by hand and never by digital pixels that strip away the real craftsmanship and artistry of animated film!

Six weeks later, Disney released its first computer-generated Pixar film, Toy Story. And still, there was no letter in our mailbox.

The next few posts...

2008-10-25T01:49:00.002-04:00

...will probably be a bit different than what anyone is used to. But I'm not sure anyone is reading much anymore, so it's not a big deal. For the next five or six posts, I'll be using this space for a school homework assignment (Rhetoric for Writers). So don't wig out if the writing seems a little... creative? Thanks!

2008-09-09T13:54:00.001-04:00

Feeling "happy", you might say...
Originally uploaded by carlybish

So far, this semester has been the best yet. Or maybe, it just feels that way because the last two semesters were so, so, so stressful, and this just feels like a relief. I'll take it, regardless, because I'm really enjoying myself.

I ride my bike to class everyday. I'm working out three times a week with a friend who is also a personal trainer and who is giving me a great deal. I'm still working full time, but over the summer, I was able to reenter my old Starbucks, implement some cool changes, and was named "Partner of the Month" because of it. And I know that's cheesy/dumb/whatever, but man, I earned it and I take pride in my hard work. And I know I won't always be with Starbucks, but my work ethic is a good one and it's nice to finally be recognized for that.

In fact, I'm starting to itch for that "new" profession. I'm actually thinking about getting a job with a newspaper or magazine or some article-based website looking for good writers/photographers. I'm thinking about revamping my site so that there are multiple pages, including different tabs for different photographic work--portraits, journalism, weddings, real estate, etc. Maybe turning this thing into an online portfolio of sorts.

We are so close to being done with this place. George is working hard at school and I'm just a New Year away from graduation. Soon as he's finished, we'll pack our things and head west. Hopefully, in the next year.

I hear The Seattle Times calling my name... Or maybe it's Seattle Magazine... I'll take either one...

Julian writes...

2008-08-31T16:54:00.001-04:00

My friend & coworker...
Originally uploaded by carlybish

Sometimes I am a Christian and sometimes I'm not, but something about Jesus is undeniably bound to the way I live, love, and think...and I'm trying to find out just what that means for the way I experience this so-called life. - Julian Suarez

(I hope he won't hate me for sharing this because it's beautifully composed.)

Before!

2008-08-30T16:53:00.002-04:00

Just because I was curious...
Originally uploaded by carlybish

Not going to say a lot about this picture other than it was taken in November 2007. I've lost 33 pounds since then and I've posted some "after" pictures to Flickr. I've uploaded these photos in a couple other places as I've become more aware of what I've accomplished and what I have yet to accomplish.

I'm definitely feeling better about myself and that's worth everything.

This Summer...

2008-08-21T10:03:00.001-04:00

My Kids.
Originally uploaded by carlybish

I mentioned before that I thought this summer might fly by and it did! It's gone already, but I'm kind of relieved... School started yesterday--my second to last semester--and I'm actually looking forward to it. More so than the last two semesters when I thought everyone was mocking me behind my back in class (so high school, I know!). But yesterday, as I walked around campus, I heard my name being called from every direction and I actually felt, well, popular? That's never really happened before... But it was cool. I like knowing people and I like people knowing me. It makes me feel like I can say, "Yeah, man, I've got connections..." and it'd be true! Or something...

However, I cannot disregard the great summer we had. George and I celebrated our one-year wedding anniversary on August 4th, spending time in Atlanta and taking a few days off from work to relax. We also got to visit friends in Franklin,Tennessee (where all the major Christian music artists live, apparently) including Evan, a friend I graduated high school with, and the Reinfeldts, who have relocated there for the Tennessee Titans, which Mike now has a contract with. The Reinfeldt kids are the ones I babysat all those years and who have overcome amazing adversity through Elise's battle with leukemia. She'll be in remission for two years in November! She looks so healthy and beautiful. She amazes me.

These upcoming months will prove fairly interesting and eventful. One of my professors approached me for an independent research study which provides core class credit I need, along with a lot of other things that look great on a resume. I'll be doing a serious photo essay about women who have suffered, or suffer, from domestic violence situations. It includes visiting shelters and safe houses and possibly a women's prison! It's going to be intense, but it's also going to be really enlightening. Not to mention, it's so close to what I actually want to do with my life--finding those amazing stories and producing some really incredible photojournalism. I'll definitely post some of the pictures I take here for you to see. As things progress, I hope to build an online portfolio of some kind and all these pictures will definitely go there.

So while I'm still dedicated to working hard at Starbucks in their management team, I'm feeling more and more confident about pursuing the field of work for which I've pursued an education! Before, I actually thought Starbucks seemed most promising, but making drinks and putting up with customers isn't exactly sounding awesome right now. God's purpose for my life is more than a glorified barista...

I'm not sure how things will play out but I'm feeling really good about this school year. And for me, that's a really great start...

What'd I tell you?!

2008-08-20T00:11:00.001-04:00

George's NEW Tool Box!
Originally uploaded by carlybish

Remember when I said the next time I talked about this, I'd tell you that we'd have George's tools back and blah, blah, blah? Well!

These are George's new tools. When his original tool box--a gift from my dad last Christmas--was stolen out of my car after a visit to the mechanic, we filed a small claim and took it to court. The mechanic actually showed up to the court date and we settled for $400, which we took to Sears and used to replace all the tools George had before AND MORE! Because Sears was having a Craftsman sale!

So, like I said before... This is the second time I've mentioned this and it's just to report that we WON and we definitely learned our lesson! And please, learn from our mistake, and don't leave ANYTHING of value in your car when you leave it in a place where someone has access to the keys!

Farewell "Utah"...

2008-07-21T00:36:00.001-04:00

Farewell to "Utah"... from Carly Chaney on Vimeo.

I've been painting...

2008-07-19T01:11:00.001-04:00

Birds.
Originally uploaded by carlybish

I don't know what happened in the last two weeks, but I've been "in the mood" to paint lately. This is a big deal because I haven't really painted anything or felt confident enough to paint in a very long time. The other night, George asked me to play my guitar because he hasn't heard me play in eons, but when I tried to play, I quickly sensed I didn't have George's interest. Of course, he didn't mean anything negative by it, but I still took it personally and I put the guitar away. When he asked me what was wrong, I broke down a bit and told him how important things like playing the guitar and painting are to me but the last two years stole a lot of my self worth, so if I do either of those things, it's a really big deal!

It's a really big deal... So even though I haven't been playing music lately, the fact that I'm painting at all means I'm going in the right direction. The window painting pictured is the latest thing I've done, but there are a couple more posted to Flickr as well.

Quite frankly, I don't know if I'm any good. I'm not confident in my "gift" as an artist, especially when I see artwork by someone else that blows my mind. However, I do enjoy painting and I hope I'm good enough that people would actually want to buy something from me. I like using brighter colors and I use a more simplistic style, but it's my style and for the most part, I like it.

Eventually, I hope I'm inspired to pick up my guitar again, to write some new songs and to even sing a little. These things are a huge part of who I am and I refuse to give in to whatever this is I'm suffering from (most likely a lack of self esteem).

Oh yeah. And go see The Dark Knight. Heath deserves an Oscar. No doubt.

Kyle & Evan Rave.

2008-06-30T03:54:00.002-04:00

Kyle & Evan Rave.On Vimeo.

Sorry the video is a little sketchy but this is, otherwise, completely brilliant.

In Boston, Presently.

2008-05-24T20:25:00.001-04:00

Sitting in the original "Cheers".
Originally uploaded by carlybish

I've been here for over a week now. It's been pretty great so far, except I got sick tonight. It must be the weather in Boston, because several others in our group have already been sick with a sore throat and I thought I'd managed to dodge it, but... Anyway, I'm spending most of my time in my youth hostel bed right now, working on homework, trying to finish it all before the trip is done. That's right, homework. May I remind you this is a trip designated by my university and therefore, does not really feel or act like a vacation.

Although, we did get to go whale watching yesterday and that was pretty cool. Unlike the experience George and I had on our honeymoon, this time it was humpback whales instead of killer whales. And they are large. Comparatively.

Just thought I'd give you all a minor update. George comes back from Ukraine on Monday, and even though I don't get back from Boston until Friday, I am looking forward to getting to talk to him on the phone--really, TALKING--for the first time in a month!

Never thought I'd say this, but I am looking forward to getting back to Tennessee. Not that I don't really like Boston, as it is a big city and you all know how much I dig big cities! But I miss being at home with my husband.

Cheesy, I know. So sue me.

This is My Husband-Face.

2008-05-11T23:35:00.001-04:00

George, after working on my car...
Originally uploaded by carlybish

George has been gone for almost one week now. It has felt much longer. I am SO. BORED.

Believe it or not, George being gone seems the least of my anxieties right now.

Summer school has provided a workload I did not expect to be so heavy and I am frantically trying to complete assignments every night after coming home from work.

The most upsetting thing I'm dealing with now ties in with this picture of George, covered in oil from working on my car...

We took my car to a mechanic, who had been referred by another auto place we'd done business with before. We simply needed a small part replaced and while George had tried for many weeks to do it himself, he simply could not find the part on the car that needed replacing. So we took it to this guy...

About four days after leaving the car with the mechanic, we called to follow up and find out if my car was ready for picking up. However, the mechanic replied that he had tried very hard to find the part we'd given him from the dealership, but he couldn't find it and would have to order another. We were a little baffled by the mechanic's inability to keep track of something that we had left on the passenger seat for him, but we were patient and told him we'd call by the end of the week.

When we finally called, we also added how George would be leaving the country very soon and we would need to get the car as soon as it was ready. The mechanic said it would be ready Tuesday, the day before George would fly away. While Tuesday would be very, very busy, we didn't have much choice in the matter and told him we would be there at 3:00 in the afternoon to pick it up.

After dropping George off at the mechanic's lot, I had to leave because I was scheduled to be at work in less than an hour. While driving to work, George called and said, "He didn't charge us anything because it took so long!" Of course, I felt like that was fair, considering he'd kept our car nearly two weeks and it was only expected to take about three or four days.

Later that night, after getting home from work, George was busily packing to leave at 5:30 in the morning, which was only a few hours away. Eventually, he had to go out to my car to look for anything he might need to pack. He was out there for quite a while...

When he came back into the apartment, I saw a look on George's face I had rarely ever seen. It was an angry expression and it even took him a while to say anything when I asked him, "What? What's wrong?!"

"They took my tools," he said.

I was stunned. George had been working on the car for weeks and had been keeping the tools locked in the back of my car instead of carrying the heavy thing back and forth to our apartment, which is upstairs. The tools were a very expensive gift from my dad, who wanted George to have these tools for doing exactly what he had been doing--fixing stuff. George had never owned anything that wasn't a hand-me-down, so for him to receive a gift worth nearly $450, he was extremely grateful and proud of what he had.

No wonder he was so angry. Later, we discovered the ashtray, which had a few stray dollars in it, was also gone. And then, it dawned on me the part we'd ordered from the dealership which the mechanic couldn't find was probably something that had been taken as well.

Because George was leaving so soon, we knew we had to file the report as quickly as possible, despite how late it was. We called the justice department and met with a police officer in their parking lot. After explaining the situation thoroughly about three times, we were finally able to return home.

Since then, I have returned to the mechanic's lot and explained to him the situation. He says the items were never in the car because he never saw them. However, he also said that he didn't enter our car until a few days after we had left it with him, so who's to say someone who worked there didn't get into it?

"That's impossible," the mechanic told me. "These boys have worked for me for more than 10 years. They couldn't do it."

"But they had access," I told him.

"They didn't do it," he was getting very defensive.

When I inquired about his insurance, he said he didn't have any. So I gave him the receipt of things that were in the toolbox, amounting to the worth of the toolbox and the tools inside, and asked him to get back to me within the week. He said nothing had ever been stolen in the 23 years he'd been running his business, but I didn't back down. I just told him to contact me by Monday.

Which is tomorrow. So this is my current predicament. I'm planning on leaving early next Saturday morning for Boston and so I'm trying to get this taken care of now, even while George isn't around to help. Either way, if I have to take the guy to small claims court, I will, because I absolutely HATE that someone there took George's tools.

I swear, stealing is one of those things that makes me most angry. You can't help feeling taken advantage of and in some way, condescended to.

I don't give up easily. Just watch. Next time I write about this, you'll see a picture of the toolbox, safely back in our possession.

Codependency 101.

2008-05-06T11:53:00.002-04:00

Making out in front of the photographer...
Originally uploaded by carlybish

Since we started dating--again--in October of 2006, George and I have been inseparable. Not really in the annoying way, either. Because honestly, we spend a great majority of the day apart. But neither of us has gone away or been apart in distance since we got married last August and even before then. That said...

George leaves tomorrow morning, very early, for three weeks in the Ukraine.

Without me.

My trip to New England overlaps his trip part of the time, but not entirely. And quite honestly, I'm almost intimidated to go anywhere without him. I don't like the idea of experiencing a new place without him or vice versa.

But we have to go, so we're going. Just not together...

I'm such a co-dependent now! What happened to me?!

Robert's Party.

2008-05-03T03:52:00.002-04:00

So I'm Kind of Excited.

2008-05-02T20:11:00.001-04:00

Coy?
Originally uploaded by carlybish

I have this feeling like summer is going to fly by. What with summer school, and cross-cultural trips, and work--I really think it's going to feel like it's over before we even realize it. And that makes me excited because then, fall semester will start, and thus begins the beginning to the end of my college education. Although, I do plan on taking a class or two post graduation (to finish my writing minor), I will otherwise have my degree and won't have to bother with it anymore.

After I graduate, I'll finally be able to work more, save more, and possibly pursue the things I'm more passionate about. Like photography. I'm going to save for the widest angle lens on the market and tackle real estate photography--inspired by my sister, who is a real estate agent in Seattle--and see if I can supplement my income substantially. Eventually, when George has finished school, I hope to have saved enough for us to cover the expense of moving back to Seattle. Right now, I'm estimating it to cost somewhere around $5000 total. And that's if we move straight into an apartment instead of moving back in with my parents first. I might make $5000 the goal and still move back in with my parents, just to get on our feet first. They've acknowledge that it's a likelihood but we all know none of us want it to be for very long. I love my parents and they love me, but we like our privacy and space.

I know where we'll be moving to and I've scouted a number of Starbucks in the neighborhood, where I can eventually transfer. The location is about 15 minutes from my parents' house, about 15 minutes from Seattle, and literally down the street from the local Park&Ride bus station.

I'm just excited about it. I'm thrilled that I can start making plans now. Even though it's still a solid year and a half or more away, we're going to get the ball rolling now so by the time George has finished with school, we'll only need to tie some loose ends and then head out west.

I came out here in October of 2004 and probably won't leave until winter of 2009 or summer of 2010. I have learned a lot about myself and I was definitely meant to be here. But I'm tired and I'm hungry for something new and even though we'll be going back to Seattle, I know it has a brand new chapter to offer our lives. And for that, I am kind of excited.

Blockbuster.

2008-05-01T19:28:00.002-04:00

I'm not trying to impress anyone. This is who we are.

Torture.

2008-04-29T15:39:00.003-04:00

If any of my "readership" desires to see anything in particular, please don't hesitate to let me know.

Another Ending, Some New Beginnings...

2008-04-26T22:55:00.001-04:00

Curry Jones Wedding 013
Originally uploaded by carlybish

Christy-Anne, my best friend in Tennessee and the bridesmaid who caught the bouquet at my wedding, married Ed, who was a groomsman in my wedding and who also caught the garder! Their wedding ceremony was this last Saturday and I was in the bridal party. It was beautiful to watch and I was proud of the fact that I was the one who introduced them to each other. Coincidentally, I've known Ed longer than I've known Christy-Anne, but I knew they were perfect from the moment they got together. Even funnier is how Ed told me he wasn't the "marrying type" when I was first getting to know him. How wrong he was!

While I was totally enamored by how gorgeous Christy-Anne was on Saturday, I also felt pretty special. Simply because I wasn't self conscious about what I was wearing and I truly felt like one of the "skinny girls". I've lost more than 30 pounds now and I'm the same size as when I was in middle school. Walking down the aisle alone was not the nerve wrecking experience it would have been in the past. There wasn't a moment when I wasn't totally in tune with what was happening during the ceremony. Normally, I would have been so preoccupied with how I felt in my dress or how I looked that I would have missed everything going on around me. No one seems to really get that...

So now, the spring semester has nearly finished. My last final is on Monday. About a week after that, summer school starts and a lot of things will be taking place... Things I'm dreading and also looking forward to.

We have to take our cross-cultural trip. Originally, I had posted about a trip to London for communications majors at school. Well, the trip was too expensive, no one signed up, and it was canceled. So I had to sign up for the English majors trip to New England (Boston, Baltimore, Pittsburgh), which is cheaper and domestic but requires I take classes that benefit my degree in no way, shape or form. Regardless! I'm going. And that's that. During the same time I'll be in New England, George will be leaving the country for his education majors trip to Ukraine where he'll be teaching Ukrainian orphans how to speak English.

So, in other news, I had a dream two nights ago that I got a 12 week old puppy and then went into the hospital, found out I was pregnant, and had a baby a couple seconds later. When I woke up and told George about it, I said, "Now I kinda wish I had a puppy..." And then I noticed how I didn' t say that I wanted a baby. And I thought that was funny.

So... Here comes another hot, humid summer. At least I don't have to hesitate about wearing tank tops and shorts this summer. That's a first!

It's funny...

2008-03-16T00:11:00.003-04:00

It's funny...
Originally uploaded by carlybish

Have you seen the new Dunkin' Donuts commercial where they indirectly mock Starbucks and the descriptions for their drinks--is it French or is it Italian? And then, the narrator says at the end, "Dunkin' Doughnuts: Order your latte in English."

But... "Latte" is an Italian word...

Meet Reagan!

2008-03-15T03:02:00.003-04:00

Babies like to eat their own fingers for some reason...
Originally uploaded by carlybish

This is my three-month-old niece who I spent much of my time with over spring break. George and I flew to Seattle for a week and relaxed with my family for an entire week. Without school or work on our minds was a great relief and I enjoyed every minute of it.

As you can plainly see, Reagan has signature "Bishop" blue eyes and looks a lot like her aunty! But of course, she is my sister's daughter and I have no claim to passing on that beautiful gene! Isn't she gorgeous, though?!

Meanwhile, George and I have since returned "home", back to school and back to work. We weren't able to visit with everyone we would have liked to while in Seattle, but I was so glad to have all that time with my family.

It was also a delightful experience to see my parents after having lost a grand total of 27 pounds! They were thrilled with my progress and my mom even took me shopping for some new clothes. And to my surprise, I fit perfectly into a size 10 pair of jeans which I haven't done since I was about 14 years old...

So it's been a very happy last couple of weeks. I am anxious about school and dying to graduate in the here and now. I know I'll get there eventually, it just feels like an eternity.

Hope you enjoy this little update. I hope some people are still reading. I always enjoy writing here. I don't know if I'll ever really stop...

Don't Neglect the Feast of Break!

2008-02-07T18:34:00.001-05:00

This is my typical breakfast (and I love it!)
Originally uploaded by carlybish

This is what my typical breakfast looks like. Although, sometimes it can be a bowl of oatmeal with cinnamon and artificial sweetener or other times, it's eggs and Canadian bacon.

Officially, I'm still down 23 pounds, but I feel another jump just around the corner. I just have to keep it up and I know I'll be down 24 or 25 in the next day or so. So exciting!

In other news. I am finally in the final stretch of school, getting ready to graduate, and I've run into a couple of hurdles. One, I have to have 60 hours of service (or volunteering) done by the time I'm ready to graduate. But that's the easy one. The big one is a cross-cultural trip I have to take and the only one available for my degree is a trip they offer to England.

Well, of course, who doesn't want to go to England? (Richard Bartlett, you don't count.) The problem is that it's expensive and even though financial aid can be applied toward the trip, it doesn't always cover the entire cost. So I'm going to be posting this "ChipIn" widget to try to get some support from any of my readership. The smallest donation helps, but obviously, don't feel obligated. I'm just so desperate to graduate and I have to do this in order to do so. So whatever help you can give is greatly appreciated.

So thanks again. And please keep reading. I'm going to start writing more as time goes on. The sooner I graduate, the sooner I'll have some free time to start living again! To all our benefits!

Raise money with ChipIn

What Happened to the Good Ol' Days?

2008-02-03T01:53:00.001-05:00

I'm Dumb.
Originally uploaded by carlybish

I've got a lot of great things going for me right now. Simultaneously, those same things are what keep me busy day-in and day-out.

I'm working a lot, getting the hours I need to pay bills, which I didn't always have when I was a barista. Shift supervisors pretty much have 30 plus hours each week guaranteed, which eases financial stress. I also believe my higher-ups are satisfied with my work and I think I exceed their expectations the majority of the time--always a good thing.

Same thing at school. I've been staying on top of assignments, for the most part. Every now and then, I turn something in late, but most of my teachers know the kind of schedule I have and grant me a bit of leniency. My point is that this semester in contrast to last semester is a vast improvement in self-motivation skills. I'm pushing myself to do well all the time.

I'm also tapping back into something I love to do that I see myself doing for a living in the future. This semester has me in my degree's "practicum"--working for the school newspaper--and I'm working as a photojournalist. If you remember when I first enrolled at Lee, I volunteered as a contributing writer during my first semester and quickly discovered how much I despise deadlines! They were creativity's worst enemy and I hated the fact that getting something turned in on time was more important than piece's brilliance-factor. Everything I wrote had to be beautiful and I couldn't achieve that when I had a date hovering over my shoulder--absolutely impossible. However, in spite of this, I feel a lot differently about taking pictures and getting those turned in on time. I'm currently in a state of learning how to get the perfect shot, but in the meantime, I'm not as pressured about deadlines (even though I still have them) because I can take thousands of pictures and one of them is bound to be genius. I recently took pictures of a women's basketball game and while the white balance was totally wrong, I really felt like I was in my element, standing in the bleachers, searching for good angles, moving with the players... It just felt good. I really loved it. And it made me think of a dream I've had for a while--taking pictures for the Olympics--and I actually thought it might be possible. I haven't felt that possibilities feeling in years. It was so refreshing!

I know I've been limiting myself. I've been working for Starbucks for over two years now and people have asked what I plan on doing after I graduate...

"Uhm... Work for Starbucks?" is all I've been able to come up with.

But now, maybe I can do more. Maybe I am capable of such things, which I always thought I was a few years ago, but ever since... Well... To be honest, my self worth was shot to hell after I moved here. But maybe it's actually starting to climb back up? I really hope so. I was always confident in my talents before. I don't know why I ever stopped believing in my own abilities. But you cannot know how much psychological and emotional damage I've had to overcome in the last year. Simply unfathomable.

I've lost 23 pounds. There's a confidence-booster! I can credit this success to the South Beach Diet, but it's become such second-nature, that I don't even think about it as a diet anymore. So cliché right? "It's a lifestyle change!" But it really has been, which I find hilarious. I never would have believed it unless I did it myself, but I have and it works! And it's only been eight weeks since we started. Let me put it in real perspective for you: I haven't weighed this little since the eighth grade. I can only imagine how much I'll have lost by the time a year has passed. It's a crazy feeling when I always thought I would look a certain way. I've never been an athlete and I've never been "thin", so the fact that it even feels possible is unlike anything I've ever felt before. You can't understand if you've ever been thin and then wanted to "get back" to it because I was never "there" to begin with! I'm going somewhere I have never been! Try that one on for size!

What I really find interesting about this whole thing is how people used to say to me, "Carly, you don't need to lost weight! You look great!" And now I've lost nearly 25 pounds and I feel and look so much better and people are complimenting me. So I think to myself, Didn't need to lost weight, huh? But I think it goes back to that whole idea of never having been "there" and people have a hard time imagining you any other way than how they've always seen you. So when you show them what you're capable of, they're saying things they never said before. Good things.

I love being married to George. A lot of people simply say, "I love being married," but I have to say I love being married to George. I can hardly wait for us to graduate from school and move back to Seattle so my friends and family can get to know him even better than they could this summer. Everyone got to meet him and they all enjoyed him, but there's so much more to him than meets the eye. I could not have married a more supportive man. A guy who joins his wife in her weight-loss goals, despite the fact that he was thin to begin with! George has lost 20 plus pounds since we started South Beach. And what a listener! I can be a total basket-case and he would always say, "That makes total sense," just to make me feel better.

So yes. So many great things going for me. And I feel like I'm on the road back to "the good ol' days" but they'll be more like "good ol' NEW days" or something. I have felt stuck in this rut of work-school-homework-sleep for so long, but I'm starting to see glimpses of new experiences in the future. Opportunities--I never thought I'd see them again, I'll be honest. But I guess that's just my naivety and I had to figure that out on my own.

But I'm figuring it out. Slowly but surely.

One area that needs work (it always does) is the relationship-with-God area. He and I don't talk that much and I miss feeling close. But like everything else, I see hope for the future. I just have to trust that it will get better, just like everything else seems to be...

Wait! We're Alive!

2007-12-11T12:36:00.001-05:00

IMG_3576 2
Originally uploaded by carlybish

I think it's high time I posted something, don't you?

So four months ago, George and I got married. Maybe you've already seen the photos on Flickr. If you haven't, check them out. Our photographer did an amazing job.

Since then, a lot has taken place.

Like an entire fall semester at Lee.

And I became an aunt for the first time! (Again, check out Flickr photos.)

George and I were promoted at work.

We switched to the South Beach Diet. (Random, I know!)

It's kind of a lot when you think about it all happening in the last four months. Kinda crazy.

Life has been so busy, I was quite tempted to send this place back into the blogosphere. But writing has always been a passion, even if it's just about plain, mediocre stuff. Although, I much prefer the more exciting stuff. Or funny and ridiculous stuff. Either way, I think I'll keep it around.

I take my last final of the semester today. I'm thrilled to have this semester over with. We really need the break.

Married life is wonderful. But we can't wait to graduate, so our time is not so consumed with things besides each other.

So there you go. Hope that encourages you. We're still alive and well. Just really, really, really, REALLY busy.

Okay, bye.

For now.

Whoah.

2007-07-22T16:12:00.001-04:00

More Engagement Photos 1.
Originally uploaded by carlybish

Just two more weeks... Two more weeks and I'll be a married woman. It's a crazy feeling.

Look What He Got Me!

2007-07-14T01:22:00.001-04:00

Carly's Ring(s).
Originally uploaded by carlybish

Two nights ago, George surprised me shortly after I got off work. The sun was going down and we pulled over to watch. Earlier that evening, he and my mom had gone out together for a Mother-In-Law-Son-In-Law date to purchase some required items for the wedding. What I didn't know was that he was also going to pick up my wedding ring! We leaned against the car, watching the last bit of color fade away from the sky, and I could feel George's heart pounding. When I asked him what was wrong, he replied "Nothing," pulled out the ring, and then asked me to marry him again!

Needless to say, I was stunned and overwhelmed by the fact that he had purchased the ring to begin with. I had settled on my white gold band and never pressed for anything more. I had expressed that having a nice wedding ring would be nice, but I never thought I'd actually have something like that.

I know I'm weird and this may sound crazy, but I never thought I was worthy of something like this. I never thought I was worth having something so nice to wear... Of course, George disagreed but I still didn't think that changed anything.

I guess it's time for me to wise up and actually believe in the things I might actually deserve. Even at the age of 23, I still struggle with my self worth. Again, that might be due to certain things from the past that I've had to heal from. Eventually, I will know what I am worth and I won't feel this way anymore.

I've never worn anything so pretty before, though. Now I understand how people must feel if they were to ever lose their ring. That would be so awful. I wish I could wear this one with a lock and key... But I need to get it resized first (notice it only fits on my pinky finger right now).

Just 21 days left. Hard to believe, eh?

Hit by the Reality Truck.

2007-06-30T01:41:00.001-04:00

Playing Wii at Pochi's.
Originally uploaded by carlybish

I know I've already written today, but a little more never hurts...

I fully acknowledge that marriage, the wedding, and my future husband have stood at the forefront of my thoughts in the last several months. But I was thinking about things form another perspective today and everything seemed to hit me at once... I am never going to be alone again. Everything I have will be shared. The already small bathroom will feel that much smaller. Decisions will always be "joint" decisions. We will share a checking account. And the toughest of all--I will have no choice but to choose one side of the bed.

This is a HUGE deal. I really hope I'm able to cope with all these changes. I'm sure there are a lot more things to look forward to than fret over.

What really helps is knowing how others have coped with their own newlywed ambiguities. Like Seth and Arley Worley--they're just one year into their marriage and they're already expecting a baby!

Right now, I'm just worried about sharing a bed comforter!

We're Going to San Juan!

2007-06-29T14:46:00.001-04:00

Transient Orca Spyhop 2 Mayas Whale Watch 092806
Originally uploaded by limekilnwhalewatcher

San Juan Island is located in the Puget Sound and one of my parents' clients owns a vacation home there. We asked them if it was available during the days after our wedding and it is! We'll be staying there for a week! An entire house all to ourselves! Everything has really worked out for us to have a pretty amazing wedding.

Most of the details have been worked out. There are a few minor things to be taken care of, but the major decisions have been made. The end result will be beautiful, as well as videotaped! So we'll make sure anyone who wasn't able to be at the wedding can watch it online.

We've already received a wedding present, even! From my Uncle Jerry in Texas, he bought us a really nice knife set from Crate&Barrel. It was such an exciting thing because at this point, I'm trying not to expect any gifts whatsoever. We've had so much given to us already, it would be selfish to expect any more. Nonetheless, the gift from Uncle Jerry was well-received and I know we'll be putting them to good use.

We're having a great time here. It will definitely be hard for us to leave. I almost feel as if we've had the chance to get back on our feet and remove some of the shadows that were hanging over our heads. My parents have really come to our rescue and given us a chance to make a fresh start. They love George and he loves them. It's been really good for us both to be here.

I wish I had more to write about, like I did in the "good ol' blogging days", but it's just not the same as it used to be. While I've noticed quite a few changes in my attitude since I've been here, that still doesn't change how often I'm willing to write. I think it's easier to write when I actually believe what I say is interesting. But I haven't felt that way in ages. Maybe one day, I'll think more of my opinions, but for now, I'm content to only speak or write when I feel something is worth mentioning.

It's been a lot of fun here, though. George and I have visited Pike Place Market. We've also spent some time with Ryan and Sarah Wiedmaier, who flew in a few days ago. I've had time with Stephanie and I've seen Leah. Hopefully, we'll all have more time to schedule together in a few days. I still need to get together with Amy, as well as a handful of others I haven't seen yet. We still have another five weeks, though. So I'm certain we'll make time.

I also have pictures I need to post on flickr, so keep a watchful eye. I'll be posting them as I get them.

We've Finally Arrived!

2007-06-08T14:32:00.001-04:00

Skate Park 2.
Originally uploaded by carlybish

We are here and I am finally home. But I think it won't be long before George thinks of this place as home, too. He's really loved it so far and it's only been three days. I think he was sold when he found out there was a skate park only five minutes from my parents' house. He plans to go everyday.

I've already started at my new store and I was considerably overwhelmed. I felt so inadequate. The fact of the matter is that I have come to work in the coffee hub of the world and it appears that everyone seems to know exactly what they want. I steamed more soy milk yesterday than I have in the two years I've worked for Starbucks. No one mispronounced "carmel macchiatto" or asked for "extra cool whip" all day. Unbelievable.

So. It's different. It's a handful. I'm hoping I'll only get better at my job. I just hope it doesn't force me into a corner, wrapped up in a fetal position before the summer is over...

So Much Mush and Gush.

2007-05-30T10:21:00.001-04:00

More Engagement Photos 6.
Originally uploaded by carlybish

We had more pictures taken with Sara and I've posted them on flickr, if you care to take a look. They're a lot of fun, especially the "George-falling-off-his-skateboard" series. Sara will be doing the pictures at our wedding, which makes me very excited because her pictures are so unique and different from anyone else I've seen.

In other news, it's been very exciting the last few weeks in preparation to leave for Seattle. This last week is going to be the most exciting because we've got a couple hefty things on our "to do" list. Like moving into the upstairs apartment this Friday, packing for our trip, and leaving everything satisfactory for the friend who has offered to apartment-sit for us while we're away.

All in all, it's been very busy, but a very happy time. I would write more often if we had Internet access at the apartment, but we don't. So I have to come to school, but I can't get here everyday. When we get to Seattle, I might have more time to write. And when we fly back to Tennessee, we'll be gaining Internet access and I'll continue to write more.

George and I will both get promoted in August, after we get back--this has been highly anticipated. We've been with Starbucks nearly two years and we've paid our dues.

Ah, yes. And before I forget, several people have asked me where George and I have registered. At first, I was very resistent to the whole "registry" idea because I really dislike shopping. Some girls love to go "shopping," even when they have no intention to buy anything. If I have no money, I don't like to go "shopping" since I know I'll only be depressed about the things I can't actually afford. The idea of "gift registry" gave me the same sort of feeling. So I avoided it for quite a while. But after George finally got me to try it, my mind was completely changed. It's not the same as "shopping" when you have no money. It's "shopping" with the actual possibility that some of this stuff might actually be yours! So it ended up being a lot of fun and we've gone to quite a few different places now.

My favorites have been Bed, Bath and Beyond (registry #2892399), Target (registry #010003993250301), and Crate&Barrel (registry #1588184). But we're also registered at Kohl's, Sears, and JCPenny. We also want to go to Pier 1 Imports, Pottery Barn, and Macy's but there aren't any of those in this area. We may have to wait until we get to Seattle to actually go there. It feels so greedy, but I love it all at once.

We're so excited to leave next Tuesday. We both start working at Starbucks that following Thursday. We'll be making Seattle-rate pay (a lot more than what we make now) and we'll hopefully come back with a lot of it saved. This has been such an amazing year. I can't imagine what's to come, but I have a pretty good feeling about it.

"Something Glorious is About to Happen" (Bloc Party).

2007-05-09T14:07:00.001-04:00

Engagement Photo 7.
Originally uploaded by carlybish.

Just a few more weeks, and we'll be on our way home. Every spare moment is used to plan the wedding. The pressure's on, needless to say. We've promised to send invitations out by this week, but I'm still waiting for my brother to finish designing them and I'm still frantically trying to obtain people's addresses.

If you haven't sent me your address yet, please do so immediately. Just email me. I'm doing my best to make my way to the local computer lab (as we are still without Internet at home) and trying to keep up with communication.

At this point, I just can't wait to go home, be home, and feel at home. This month could not go by quick enough.

I love you guys.

Amazing Photo Session.

2007-04-30T16:02:00.001-04:00

Engagement Photo 8.
Originally uploaded by carlybish.

On Saturday morning, we went with a friend from school to have our engagement photos taken. We went to several different places, including someone's backyard (where a lonely, old and rusty VW bug sits), an condemned building with dorm rooms and ugly mattresses, and lastly, to an abandoned house where a million kids' toys lay helpless and moldy.

It was a lot of fun and clearly, by looking at some of these, we had a really great time. Check them out. The good ones are all located on Flickr.

I love her toes.

2007-04-16T23:48:00.001-04:00

I love her toes.
Originally uploaded by carlybish.

I know it's been a while and I'm sorry. We've moved and once again (as so many times before), I am without Internet access. I would write more when I'm at school, but between classes, I'm either running errands or working. Again--I'm sorry.

The good news is that the semester is nearly over, our apartment is awesome and continues to improve each day, and we leave for Seattle in just six weeks!

Life is good...

George and I have the most amazing relationship I could ever dream of. Did you read when I wrote about Seth and Arley? How envious I was of their relationship? How I coveted their relationship? Yeah, well... I don't have to feel that way anymore.

You can tell life is good by the picture of my cat. No maladjusted cat sleeps so peacefully like that. Look at her. She has a great home life. Oh yeah...

We're Moving Back!

2007-03-10T23:21:00.001-05:00

We're Moving Back!
Originally uploaded by carlybish.

That's right, kids! I'm heading back to my old apartment! I moved into a house with two other girls and we've lived together just shy of a year. But now that I'm getting married, it's time to "set up house" in a single bedroom apartment! I'm so glad to be going back to this building. It's a highly coveted place to live and very difficult to get into, but since I've made friends with many of those who live there, we had an "in" when one of those friends told us he was moving to Tampa! Oh, and did I mention it's the best room in the building? It has the best layout out of all of them. Although, we have another friend who lives in the apartment upstairs and we might eventually take it so we wouldn't deal with any of the noise that can take place. I'm just so excited, I might explode!

This coming week is our spring break and we'll be utilizing the time to pack and move our stuff over. I bought a couch from my assistant manager for $50--it's big, red, comfy, and totally retro.

I'm really starting to get excited for married life. George is going to be so fun to live with, let alone be married to. We're always playing and planning things to do together, even if it's just staying up late to watch movies. But he's also an avid cook and I'm looking forward to creating fun meals together and eventually, doing our laundry together, out of one basket!

Depending on how soon I get the house put together, I'll take pictures. But if we end up moving into the apartment upstairs, I'll wait until then. In the meantime, keep us in your prayers. Moving, school, and work are quite difficult to coordinate and organize when they're all happening at once. Thanks in advance!

Home Is In Sight.

2007-02-28T13:25:00.003-05:00

Queen Anne 6.
Originally uploaded by carlybish.

We will be flying home to Seattle for the months of June, July, and half of August. I can't express how excited I am about this. I haven't been home for longer than a week's time since I moved to the south in October, 2004. This summer is going to be the best I've had in years. See you there!

Tennessee Token.

2007-02-23T18:37:00.000-05:00

I saw one of these today and noted how each time the driver tapped their breaks, it would run frantically in place. It was a little morbid, actually.

Who George Is.

2007-02-16T14:45:00.001-05:00

George 1.
Originally uploaded by carlybish.

I'll tell you what the best part of being engaged is. It's knowing you're getting ready to spend the rest of your life with your best friend.

I wish you could all know George. I suppose the best way for you to know him is through me and what I tell you. Still, nothing compares to who he is in person.

George is a nurturer. There have been a few times now when I've been sick or haven't been well and George has been there to take care of me. Most recently, we started working out to get in shape before the wedding. We went jogging for the first time outside and it was so cold, I couldn't make it passed three blocks. After that, I developed a wheezy breathing pattern. This eventually brought on a terrible cough and some kind of bronchial infection. I kept avoiding the doctor's office but George refused to let me get worse and took me to the emergency room at 1:00 in the morning, despite my insisting we wait until the next day. But I'm glad he made me go, because I was able to get antibiotics and medicine to help me breathe and sleep easy.

That may not seem like such a big deal or maybe you think it was George's responsibility to take care of me anyway... I do know that in previous relationships, I've never had anyone care for me or look to my needs so adamantly like he does every single day.

He loves me and I know it. There's no question. I can't tell you what a relief it is to be loved so unconditionally. Every part of who I am is loved and I am free to be whoever I want from one day to the next. So if one day, I'm in a great mood, George will love me. And if the next day, I'm in a funk, George will love me. And the day after that, if I'm homesick, George loves me. And when I'm tired, angry, hyper, goofy, or acting crazy, George still loves me.

And I love him right back.

Here are some interesting facts about George, in case you wondered about who exactly I'm marrying this summer:

His full name is George Allan Chaney and no, he has no relation to Dick Cheney.
He will turn 22 years old on October 19, 2007.
He is a Biology Teacher/Health Science major in school.
He loves to watch movies, even if he comes in during the middle of it.
His favorite band is Bleach (I'm pretty sure) but enjoys good music altogether.
He would like to get a tattoo (or two) dedicated to his dad, George "Ricky" Richard Chaney.
His philosophy in life is to live joyfully and to climb some trees along the way.

And if I can get in good enough shape, I'll climb those trees with him.

Overwhelming.

2007-02-09T13:20:00.001-05:00

This is my apron.
Originally uploaded by carlybish.

Can you imagine being a full-time student, working 30 hours a week (or more), planning a wedding, and coordinating a move into an apartment all less than six months from now?

Well, I am that person.

How do weddings get planned to begin with? I really haven't a clue how to even start. I'm still waiting on the green light when it comes to our venue and when my wedding organizer asks to fill in a budget, I really don't see one. We don't have money and we don't have any clue about how to ask for some. My parents are giving us a great deal, especially since they've offered to pay for our honeymoon. But to ask them for more just feels wrong. So I'm trying to figure out other means of paying for all this.

In the meantime, I'm going to school, working almost every weeknight, and trying to work it out so I can move back into my old apartment. All this in a few short months from now.

Although, I did win a photo contest at school this month and I was awarded $25 for it... It helped pay our cable bill.

So I guess that helps.

I'll Write Again Later!

2007-01-24T19:03:00.000-05:00

Oh my goodness, we totally joined "The Knot" and are loving it in all it's cheesy glory!

Our Web Page.

Big Ass Party!

2007-01-20T12:57:00.001-05:00

I'll be honest. I really like phrases like "big ass" and "bitchin'" and everyone tells me they like that about me. So if that offends you, I'm not sorry. If you've taken the time to observe them, these phrases are extremely entertaining to say aloud.

Anyway.

My party is tonight! I had a great birthday on Tuesday with George, even though I may have had too much champagne (you would have laughed). Nonetheless, he bought me a bouquet of my favorite flowers (white lilies) and took me to the nicest restaurant in town. Our waiter treated us like royalty, informing us that the entire staff decided we were the "cutest couple of the evening." We ate Caesar salad and had a strawberry shortcake desert (on the house) and reminisced over the day before. Oh! And George even managed to borrow our friend's car for the night, which was a Volkswagen Cambrio convertible, the car of my dreams and the exact one from the infamous commercial that I first heard Nick Drake's "Pink Moon." Talk about a birthday present!

So yeah! It's been an amazing week! And tonight is the party and I'm pretty sure a couple of people are making cakes. And there's a fire pit and we'll be enjoying that as well.

I'll post pictures. I promise.

You Never Saw This Coming!

2007-01-15T21:40:00.001-05:00

We're Engaged Color!
Originally uploaded by carlybish.

George and I are engaged. Yes, it's true. He proposed shortly after midnight last night and it was perfect. I could not have asked for anything better. He's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. And I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

If you're wondering how he asked, it was simple and what I'd always hoped for in a proposal... We had just finished watching an awful, cheesy movie (My Super Ex-Girlfriend) and spent 15 minutes laughing at how stupid we thought it was. We laid on the couch in a candle-lit living room and during the middle of our laughter, George slowly reached into his bag that sat on the floor and pulled out a little black box. He opened it and he asked me to marry him. All I could do was stare dumbly at the ring he held in front of me and ask him if he was "being serious." But I quickly changed my answer to "yes" and smothered the rest in kisses.

We've spent the whole day calling people and making announcements. It's been a pretty crazy day. And my birthday is tomorrow and we're going to Chattanooga to take fun pictures.

The date is set for August 16, 2007, which we've chosen to honor George's dad, who passed away in August of 2005.

More info and links to our wedding will be provided soon.

Holy crap, I'm getting married! And it's awesome!

I Am Not A Garden Gnome.

2007-01-12T08:00:00.000-05:00

I may be stuck underneath these circumstances for longer than I would have hoped. Considering my financial situation, and the one of my parents, it may be more than a year before I get to return to Seattle. I suppose this is acceptable, but I wish it could be better. I know my parents would like to see me graduate from Lee and while the idea frustrates me, I'm sure it's the most logical thing to do.

Talking with my mom, I know that my sister went through this same sort of situation--living somewhere she hated. However, my sister could visit home almost whenever she wanted just by jumping in her car and driving the five hours west to get there. However, in my case, it's ever-so-slightly a longer drive...

School started this week. I've registered for the full 12 hours and I feel much more prepared this semester than I did in the fall. I definitely want to change my major from Communications/Journalism to Communications/Graduate, which not only suits me better but would probably speed up the graduation process. I'm taking Rhetoric & Research, which is your basic English 110 class. I took Writing from Research (the same class) at Cascadia but the teacher was a butthole and gave me a "D." The grade transferred when I started at Lee, but I'm not pleased with how that looks on my transcript, so I'm taking the class over while I'm here.

I'm actually starting to feel better about the whole situation. When I think about starting over this semester and having the fresh start, I feel that much more motivated to do well.

So here's hoping the next three months are fruitful.

Upcoming events:

1. My 23rd birthday next Tuesday, the 16th.
2. My 23rd birthday party next Saturday, the 20th.

Nostalgia Of An Ugly Kind.

2007-01-05T14:41:00.000-05:00

Last night, George and I watched the movie The Last Kiss with Zach Braff and I hated it. I love Zach Braff and I think he's a brilliant actor, but the story was awful and reminded me way too much of what happened to me last year. If you've seen it, then you've seen what happened to me retold by actors. If you haven't seen it, I suppose you could go rent it and find out what I'm talking about. On the other hand, I don't want to encourage you to do that either.

Of course, there were some variances between the movie and my life. Like the fact that she was pregnant and Zach Braff never left a bruise on her. But I was cheated on and he did try to get me back and he said things like, "I know now that you're the one I want to be with" and "I've learned my lesson"... However, in my case, I chose (eventually) not to take him back and he responded with things like, "I know I can get better than you, prettier than you, skinnier than you, smarter than you" and "You'll never find anyone who will love you more than I do," which I know is the most prime examples of bullshit I've ever heard. I don't know how anyone can live so spiteful, but he does it quite well apparently.

I know I've just revealed a lot from my life last year. Maybe that's why I hadn't written as much in 2006. I love to have stories to tell, but so much of my life since I moved here is so personal, it wouldn't be appropriate for me to document it. Then again, I've been doing this since November 2001 and I've always enjoyed this as a venue for self expression and a chance for people to get to know me. Oh, conundrum...

So the movie was horrible and afterwards, George and I watched an episode of Arrested Development just so I could forget about Zach Braff's character and all his excuses. I have to admit that having George in my life has brought a lot of emotional healing. Moving here was the right thing to do and there are many people I've met who I'll know for life, George especially...

And I realize I write about moving home a lot and how excited I am to go. I wouldn't blame you if you're reading and getting really tired of knowing how tired I am of living in the South and how I "just can't wait" to go back to Seattle... But if it makes you feel any better, I think when I do return home, I'll have a lot more interesting things to write about, stories to tell, and a lot less wounds to heal. And you won't have to read my whining and complaining so much anymore. Even I'm getting annoyed with what I spout out these days.

I almost wish someone could tell me what to write or make a request. (That's not a plea for people to comment!) Like when you're in school and you don't know what to write your essay paper about, but your teacher gives you a list of topics to choose from to help you with your idea.

Sometimes, it'd just easier being told what to do.

Cheers.

2006-12-30T20:14:00.000-05:00

We've acquired several different types of fancy alcohol tonight since tomorrow is New Year's Eve and several of our friends are coming over to celebrate. The firepit is ready and the house is being cleaned for the whole event. I'm pretty excited for the New Year. This year has gone by so fast but for once, I really don't mind. I'm ready to put this year behind me. The beginning was painful and harsh and there were parts in the middle that felt the same way. And even though the year has ended so fantastically, I'm ready to embrace 2007.

I think this will be my last year in Tennessee. I'll probably complete one more semester at Lee, finish out my lease in this house and then move back to Seattle. I'll be able to work at a local Starbucks there and transfer my Cascadia and Lee credits to finish my bachelor's at the University of Washington. It'd be absolutely amazing to work at a Starbucks inside the U-District. And perhaps find a decent apartment there too. That would be incredible.

I've lived here more than two years now and by the time I move back, it will have been nearly three years. I think that's enough time to spend away from home to know exactly where I want to be. I've experienced enough cultural differences in the south to know that I don't belong here and I can do more for God back in Seattle than I can here. Most people will call themselves "Christian" here and if you accuse them of not believing, they'll likely deny it. Going to church and "being Christian" is part of the lifestyle here and if you don't, you're not like the rest... It's extremely difficult to plant seeds due to the pride that exists in this area. It's so strong that it's nearly smothered my faith out, which is why it would be best for me to move. In Seattle, God feels closer in a community where the majority of people are non-Christian. I love better when I don't know if the people around me go to church or not. And I truly feel God made me to love... And I don't want people to get the wrong idea. The people who live here are great, but there's definitely a difference. But if I personally cannot develop or grow or be successful for God, then I should go somewhere that I can. So that's the plan.

Anyway. I hope everyone has a great Christmas. Ours was busy, to say the least. Starbucks was busy as usual, but the tips were good. George and I had a lot of fun together and had dinner with Christy-Anne and her mom later that night. My parents had sent presents and I opened those. This Christmas was a blessed one and it was all because of family and friends. So thanks to all.

Happy New Year to you. I'll be sure to post pictures later. Lots of love.

More Good.

2006-12-24T02:34:00.000-05:00

Lots of things have happened this week... What with Christmas and all that comes with it. There are a lot of things that are developing relationally that I would write about, but it's too personal and it would be better to save all that stuff for later anyway. It's a lot of good stuff.

Like I wrote before, George and I are working in Chattanooga on Christmas Day. We volunteered to do it, so no one can feel bad for us. This year was the first when I actually felt like Christmas was just another day. I think I've finally reached that time in my life when I'm so concerned with others things, like work and relationships, that things so commercially flavored don't feel important. At least, not right now. This isn't me being a cynic, rather I only feel like a realist. I know that in the future, when I have a family of my own, the magic of Christmas will return. Only it will be different, because the magic will come from the members of my family when their faces brighten at the sight at whatever it is they're been given. I'm not interested in receiving things anymore, only giving them when I can... Funny how we grow up, huh?

I'm extremely happy, to say the least. To say more would likely be hard to believe. To put my thoughts into words might take some time. But I'll enjoy the process and hopefully, you'll enjoy the result.

Bliss.

2006-12-17T08:37:00.000-05:00

Clark and Kristen Campbell Slide 3.
Originally uploaded by carlybish.

I'm writing this in a state of pure bliss. There are circumstances which would have me frustrated, and in some way I am, but those feelings are taken over by the joy I have felt in the last 12 hours.

My roommates and I came up with a living system that seemed to work in the first week it was implemented. We worked out a way where all that needed to be done in the household would be assigned alternately each week. There are three jobs and they are 1) Bathroom, 2) Trash, and 3) Dishes. One of us is assigned to one of these each week. This week, it was my job to make sure trash was taken out. The person who takes out the trash also sweeps and mops the downstairs sometime before the week has lapsed.

I took the trash out and I've swept and mopped twice this week.

However.

The bathroom has not been cleaned (yet) while I give my roommate the benefit of the doubt.

The dishes have not been done by anyone but George and myself. George has taken care of more dishes than either of my roommates and the one who was assigned to do them this week has hardly touched them at all.

I sweep, I mop, I empty the trash, I load and unload the dishwasher... George and I cleaned the refridgerator, in which some contents could not be identified due to their original abandonment. I pick up, organize, and maintain a clean household without the help of my roommates.

George does more housework in our house than either of the other two who live here.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love my roommates dearly. They are my closest friends and I love living with them. But lately, the frustration has been building... So much so, that after George and I got off work last light (at midnight), I had no desire to go back to my house. For fear that I would rip someone's head off, we decided to gather some pillows and blankets from my bedroom and camp out in the back of my Montero. We laid, bundled up under a clear night sky, talking about different things--things that make us happy--and in the midst of that time together, I realized I was the happiest I'd ever been with anyone in my life.

Hence the reason for my state of bliss.

*Be sure to check out my latest Flickr photos. Pretty soon, I'm going to start making money this way.

Hi.

2006-12-14T13:03:00.000-05:00

So much has gone on in the last two weeks. Last weekend, George and I drove six hours to southern Georgia to attend the wedding of my friend. We also visited with his family since it was along the way. After we got back, I took my last final at school, officially ending this semester at Lee. And I chose to register for next semester instead of taking it off. I feel good about that decision. I'm even taking on more classes next semester than I did this one, but I'm not stressed about it. I feel prepared to attack my education with full force.

Hazey Jane, my cat, was hit by a car but she's fine. A truck bumped her with his front tire and she darted into the woods for a few hours. We searched for her but she came back on her own. Besides a small bald spot at the base of her tail, she's perfectly alright. And hopefully she's wiser about the road.

George and I decorated my house for Christmas. It was ridiculously fun. We went out and bought a real Christmas tree--cut it down and everything! We hung lights up and then watched "Joyeux Noël," which I really loved. It was a beautiful story.

Christy-Anne got a new fire pit to replace the one that was stolen! So we're planning on more get-togethers with friends from work and small group to socialize, drink, and smoke pipes around a big fire! It can't get much better than that! Unless it snowed. If it's snowing while socializing, drinking, and smoking pipes around a big fire, then that really is much better. But I can't depend on snow, so I won't get my hopes up.

Thanks to my excellent credit, we were able to get our gas heat turned on this week. You have no idea how happy we all are about that...

George and I will be working Christmas Day at the Starbucks in Chattanooga. We get paid time and a half, plus we all split the tips from that day and I've heard you "make bank", which would help put me ahead in my bills. That night, we'll probably return home and make a Christmas dinner together with my roommates and Christy-Anne's boyfriend, Ed. I'm not terribly interested in gifts or buying them this year. I've felt guilty the last couple years for not being able to afford gifts, but this year, I don't really care. I don't think anyone I know actually cares and I'm glad. I think what we all really want is time spent together and I couldn't ask for anything more.

My birthday is next month and George has already made reservations for one of the nicest restaurants in the area. I'm pretty excited about this birthday because I'm ready to make up for the crappy one I had last year. I know this will likely be the best birthday I've had since before I moved. No gifts, except ones from the heart, and just time spent with the people here I love the most. I'll take that birthday over all the ones filled with material gifts I've ever had.

And now I have to get ready for work. So I'll try to write more later.

Tubular.

2006-12-02T00:47:00.000-05:00

It seems that God is drawing my heart away from this place. I can feel Him tugging at me, as if warning me to stay alert and watch for His signal. If I speak metaphorically, I'd like to say I'm a surfer floating in the ocean, waiting for that perfect wave to carry me back to shore. I'm watching for it, whatever "it" may be.

I've been teetering between possibilities. I'm tempted to take a semester off from Lee so I can work more hours and do fun things in my off time. But losing that momentum really makes me hesitate because I want so badly to graduate. I'm 22 years old and approximately three or four semesters behind all my closest friends, most of whom already graduated. Haven't I wasted enough time?

My wish is to end this brief post with some kind of absolute. Either I will or I will not take a semester off. But nothing is certain right now, this moment. I'm praying and seeking. I'm watching.

And I'm waiting...

What I'd Give.

2006-11-29T18:14:00.000-05:00

Random Collection of Thoughts Accumulated in the Last Week:

Christy-Anne called me a "secret weapon in God's arsenal." It was cool.
George is my best friend and my best times are spent in his company.
My second review came swiftly at Starbucks and I scored the highest you can score, thereby rewarding me with another raise. Huzzah!
I've been craving God lately. I miss Him. I'm tired of missing Him.
Finals week is approaching... Scary times...
This week, I'll buy a Christmas tree. A real one.
I'm taking pictures. And people have been pleased with them thus far.

Blogging used to be so much easier than this. Why do I struggle to think of things to write each time I make an attempt? Maybe it all goes back to what inspires me most... That would be God. And I miss God... So maybe that's why? I don't know. But that's all I've got.

At least Seth Worley thinks my writer's block is only temporary.

Happies!

2006-11-24T16:25:00.000-05:00

Happy Post-Thanksgiving!

Happy Black Friday!

Happy everything!

I am really happy and I hope you are too!

Lately.

2006-11-19T02:53:00.000-05:00

Jenny Slide 7.
Originally uploaded by carlybish.

I've been taking pictures lately of all my friends. The one above is of my friend Jen. I've known her for a while. She used to work at the place I would play open mic on Tuesday nights. Now she comes to Starbucks all the time and I'm the one making her drink. She's a classic beauty. She's always wearing these amazing garments, which she's found at local antique places or she gets them from people who've inherited them from their grandmothers. I was going through the 500 plus pictures I took of her today and was stunned at the fact she wasn't wearing an ounce of makeup. I'm really enjoying this whole photography thing. I hope it becomes something more.

A Bunch of Little Big Things.

2006-11-17T00:01:00.000-05:00

Elise is approaching her bone marrow transplant and I find myself increasingly nervous when I receive a new update. The doctors continue to say how "remarkable" her reactions have been to the treatment. I can only hope and pray that continued prayer for her and her family is what is responsible for these little miracles in the process of battling the leukemia. Praise God.

Next Monday is going to be a great day because George is moving back home. He's been away for a few months now and he would say he is "more than ready" to come back. And I am so relieved. It's been rough without him here considering how everyone's schedules seem to conflict so much. Trying to squeeze in hang-out time with friends has been an excruciating process. I hardly see the girls I live with let alone friends from work or school. But George is my best friend and we'll likely be inseparable once he gets here. Work will be a lot more fun too...

As for me, I've been going through my own emotional breakdown and reconstruction. It was around this time last year that things fell apart in my relationship with Andy. Against my own will, I find myself replaying moments from the past and afterwards, I'll feel so angry. Too angry, in fact. I'd rather not think of him at all because when I do, I become bitter and overwhelmed with pity for him. I guess I'm ready (and quite anxious) for that part of my life to be completely behind me. I don't want to remember it anymore. It's not worth remembering. As much as I want to list out all the horrible things he ever did to me, it would accomplish nothing and it would be spiteful. And I know I'm better than that. So I won't.

It's going to be a lot better this year. I'm not alone and I feel incredibly strong from the relational beating I've received in the last year. It was an undeserved flogging of my already sensitive heart. But now, I feel prepared. So if anyone tries it again, I hope they're prepared. Because I'll come back just as strong.

I'm not just a dumb girl.

WTF?

2006-11-10T00:26:00.000-05:00

How did you ever convince yourself that whistling at me as you drive by with your head hanging out your rusted pickup truck, flapping your yellow tobacco-stained tongue, would ever turn me on?

You must be really, really dumb.

Bollocks.

2006-11-06T16:42:00.000-05:00

Today hasn't been the greatest of days. Last night, I went to bed feeling sick to my stomach and waking up to feeling worse. I tried to sleep it off and for the most part, I did, but half the day went by in the process.

Later, I went to Starbucks to work out a glitch in my schedule. Presently, I am supposed to work from 9:15pm to 2:30am on Wednesday night to set up the holiday decorations only to return Thursday morning at 6:45am and work an eight hour shift. It's not my fault the schedule was set up that way, but the management's. However, I'm still stuck with the responsibility of fixing it, which I don't understand. I went to our store manager and basically asked him what to do because it was important to me that I don't lose hours. He replied sarcastically, "So you want your cake and to eat it too?" To which I answered seriously, "Yes, I do. I want to get fat on cake." We looked at the schedule together and he found three people I could switch with, however all of which were working shorter shifts, so no matter what, I'd be losing hours and still, he made it my task to call these people to find out if they're willing or capable of switching. By that point, I was so annoyed with his lack of concern for me that I said, "Forget it. I'll just stay up all night. I go to sleep after class on Wednesday, sleep until 9:00, come in and then just stay up until I have to come in at 6:45..." My boss hardly listened, just continued to gaze at the schedule, naming off people I could switch with while taking a hit in accumulated hours. Eventually, something else got his attention, I grabbed my planner and headed for the front door. My boss called after to me, "So yeah, Carly. Are you gonna switch or are you just going to stay up all night?" I turned and said, "Whatever, I'll figure it out," and just kept walking. I was so angry.

And now I'm home. Trying to figure what I'm supposed to do. If I should just stay up or actually call one of these people and ask them to switch their schedules with me. It's such a headache. And I really thought I'd get more priority, considering it's been a year now since I started working for this company.

I just feel completely ignored.

Returned!

2006-10-31T15:05:00.001-05:00

Believe it or not, I had posted something a few days ago, updating on almost everything. Like my trip back to Seattle, Elise, school, and the like. Unfortunately, my roommate used the computer and closed the window I was using before I had a chance to hit "publish."

She felt really bad about it. I forgave her. And we moved on. But I've only now had a real chance to rewrite what I'd previously intended to.

Anyway!

Seattle was amazing. Gorgeous, as always. Everything was as it should be. Family and friends were sights for sore eyes and I didn't waste a moment to spend time with as many of them as I could. If you get the chance, check out flickr for photos. There are pictures from when I hung out with my brother and sister in Queen Anne and when I got to chill with Elise and her brother Jared.

I suppose I should mention, since I'm encouraging you to check out the photos, that there are also pictures from this past weekend. George came to visit and as you might have gathered from looking at the gallery... Yeah! Okay! So I tried to keep romantic relationships under wraps in the context of blogging, but turns out it's a lot harder to keep confidential than originally thought! And from what I've concluded after reading Daniel's comment, I guess people figured "something" was going on between us anyway! Regardless of people knowing, I'm still not going to talk about it very much. I'd like to keep stuff between George and myself as private as possible. Any questions, just email me. Otherwise, it's none of anyone's business! Am I right? Okay.

It was a fun weekend, to say the least. George, his sister Mary, and I went to downtown Chattanooga and went dancing. Yes, dancing! I've never gone dancing before and I have to say, it was pretty freaking awesome. I loved it! George's birthday was on the 19th and since I was in Seattle at the time, we decided to celebrate this weekend. Dancing is cool, right? I mean, I wouldn't mind going again sometime... Plus, there were people dressed in costumes and at one point, they played Michael Jackson's "Thriller" and well... I can't deny how fun that whole scenerio was. Just picture it and you'll see what I mean.

Other upcoming events?

Thanksgiving with George and roomies.
December wedding of my friend from Albany, Georgia.
Christmas and New Year's celebration with friends, George and his family.

Wow. Time just doesn't work the way it used to. This is getting out of control. We have to slow things down. I don't think I can handle how quickly time passes now.

Don't waste any time.

Go on.

Do something.

And don't forget to breathe.

Turtles In A Half Shell! Turtle Power!

2006-10-16T17:48:00.000-04:00

Going Home.

2006-10-16T00:39:00.000-04:00

In less than 30 hours...

Too Much, So Here's A List.

2006-10-13T12:58:00.000-04:00

1) Ian is visiting this weekend!
2) It's officially cold here and I'm loving everything about it!
3) I especially love cold weather attire, like these amazing arm warmers, which I would buy if I had the cash to spare!
4) Speaking of attire, I have a French oral exam later and it's all about identifying items of clothing.
5) I have to go back to my natural hair color because it's against Starbucks policy and I am really bummed about it. I really love being fusia'd...
6) I have so much to do before I fly home this coming Tuesday that I've hardly the time to write about it, which is why I've composited this list!
7) Okay, bye!

Just Shy of the Overdraft.

2006-10-10T20:22:00.000-04:00

You know those times when you're just not where you'd like to be financially? Technically, I'm up to date and nothing is past due. But I'd really like to put gas in my car or buy groceries and I can't because everything else has paid for things like rent, utilities, and cable. I'm really looking forward to tomorrow, because I'll have tip money, which will go into my checking account to ensure that I don't overdraft. I have never overdrafted and I think I'm a day or two away from doing so. You know it's bad when you've never overdrafted and you're counting on $20 worth of tips to save you.

I'd really love to sell paintings again.

Even more, I'd really like to take pictures and get paid for them. Like weddings and other events. But my Nikon is still out of commission and from what it looks like, will be indefinitely. So I'll need to purchase a new camera. And that's completely out of the question at this point. Maybe for Christmas? My birthday? I really don't know.

I just wish I had some way of supplementing my income conveniently. I've thought about putting one of those "donate" buttons on both blogs, but honestly? Who ever donates? It's just not dependable.

Anyway. On a better note, I did have a really great weekend! George came to visit with his sister and it was so nice having him here. I didn't realize how badly I missed him until after he came back. We just hung out, watched movies, and ate food while he was here, but it was great in every way. After he left, Christy-Anne asked me if I had fun with him and I told her I did, but she could see it was bittersweet for me. And then she said something that I hadn't really realized before, but it hit home how true it was...

"He makes you feel at home," she said.

And I suddenly realized how much he does. Because of all the stuff we do together and the fun we have... I really do feel more at home and at ease here in the South when he's around. And I guess that contributes to my angst when he's away. All the more reason why I hope he's able to move back in January.

Now that would be a great birthday present!

You Follow Me?

2006-08-29T23:18:00.000-04:00

Maybe I'm the only one, but sometimes I'll have a moment that is completely unrelated to the moment at hand. Conveniently, there will be no one to witness it but me and the dog. And I'm pretty sure if the dog could say something, she'd say, "So what was that all about?"

While lounging on the living room couch, I'd channel surfed my way into the middle of Wedding Crashers on HBO. A few minutes later, I'd managed to tune out Owen Wilson's "hey, man, it's all good" dialogue and I fell into a daydream that literally caused me to stand up, walk to my front door, open it, only to realize that no one was waiting for me on the other side.

I've never been one to struggle at daydreaming. It comes quite easily to me and the dreams can be surprisingly vivid. Of course, it's never delusional... It's like I get swept away in a story that I'm telling to myself. And it's at that pinnacle moment of the story, the most impactful part, that forces me back into reality. And I blink, sigh regretfully, and think, Life is not like the movies... At least, that's what I thought when I opened the door tonight.

Daydreams are worse than sleeping dreams. When you're asleep, you don't have a choice and you have no control over what happens. But in a daydream, there's no excuse. You're dreaming because you're wishing for something more than anything else at the time. There's something you want so bad, you don't want to tell yourself not to want it. Whatever it is, or whoever... A daydream is simply a means of tormenting oneself, and I've been torturing myself for a long time.

My feelings are something I wear around my wrists. Loosely enough for someone to take hold and strong enough to keep me subjected to them. Like handcuffs. Perhaps I would not be so naive, so persuaded, or so romanced if I kept those parts of myself more guarded. Maybe that would keep the daydreaming under control. Should I bottle up and forget about every magical moment I've ever heard of, read, watched in a movie, or actually experienced?

I know what you would say.

Sometimes I think daydreams are proof to when there is a part of the heart that is missing, waiting, aching, longing and pining to be filled. While I appreciate all those feelings for teaching me and making me grow, they are altogether painful. And I am very tired of hurting.

Just once, I'd like to open the door and witness the daydream become a reality. Not just for my sake, but for the dog's as well.

Embrace Yourself.

2006-07-30T02:38:00.000-04:00

Being broken is the same as being beautiful.

Free-Write.

2006-07-28T11:53:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, I figure people must wonder why I don't just pick up my stuff and go back home. Just about everyone knows (because I've let them know) that I really don't like this area or the South in general. It's nothing prejudiced. It's mostly that I miss home and Seattle's perfect weather, not to mention the fact that the majority of people in the Northwest are not Christian, and I miss that type of community. Out here, with over 400 churches in this one town alone, people just figure you must be Christian and if you're not, well... Why aren't you?

Okay, maybe I am a little prejudiced. Either way, I think my take stands on solid ground. I love the people here and I have made some very close friends whom I'll keep for life, but generally speaking... This just isn't where I'm supposed to end up.

But that's what I have to emphasize. End up. I'm not going to end up here. This is only temporary. I'll go to school, work my butt off, spend a semester in England, eventually finish and when that happens, who knows! I could go anywhere. Do anything. Of course, so long as it's what God has planned. I've always done what I felt God was leading me to do and I've never gone wrong. I've been hurt and battered about, but it's always been part of His plan in helping me grow and make me better. And people will call that a cop-out, that I'm wrong and crediting God for what appears to have been a regrettable decision is really naive, but I know how I feel about this and no one can change my mind.

I follow God's lead with everything I do. And since that's the case, I can never go wrong. Because He's always led me into something even better than before.

Try it sometime.

Currently listening to:

Thom Yorke
The Eraser

An Open Letter to the Creepy Man at the City Library.

2006-07-15T11:31:00.000-04:00

To the 50-something-year-old man sitting at the computer next to me at the city library:

I cannot express how deeply troubled I am at the strange noises coming from your side of the divider. The way you type using only two fingers and mumble to yourself indistinguishably makes me uneasy. What's worse and even more uncomfortable is what I can hear.

Saying things like, "Damn, girl..." and "Would you take a look at that?" and "Mmm..." really makes me think that whatever you're observing on your public library computer can't be... decent? And I really wish you wouldn't have reached over to my side of the divider to take my pencil, brushing my arm in the process, only to ask if you could borrow it after you'd already taken it. That's just disrespectful.

I could handle the mumbling. I could even tolerate the strange hand motions and the taking of my pencil. But when you lean in my direction during the middle of "whatever" it is your doing just to ask me how I'm doing... That just gives me the heeblie-jeeblies.

Public libraries shouldn't be this scary. Shame on you.

It Won't Be Denied.

2006-06-17T19:08:00.000-04:00

Release the inner-yuppie in you.

Christy-Anne Quotations.

2006-06-05T00:34:00.000-04:00

Christy-Anne: Whoa! Who is this?!

Carly: Huh? Oh, that's "Bob", the cat who lives upstairs.

Christy-Anne: Aww! He's so cute!

Carly: Yeah, he's pretty much "Hazey Jane's" boyfriend.

Christy-Anne: He's really skinny...

Carly: I guess he is.

Christy-Anne: He's like the emo kid of cats!

Carly: Haha, yeah.

Christy-Anne: Like, he could wear girl-cat pants!

Carly: Oh, wow. Quote of the day!

It's Like I'm Living in a Dream World!

2006-06-03T01:50:00.000-04:00

My new roommate is a pixie! Look at her! Doesn't she look like she could throw on a green dress and fly away leaving a trail of pixie-dust behind her? Yeah, I know! She's like magic!

We found a house to move into! It's so awesome. Four bedrooms and two stories. Hardwood floors throughout, a fireplace with bookshelves in the walls. The entire house is really classic looking, like it's been around for a while. I'm going to paint the living room this color and the kitchen something else. The living arrangements are going to rock too. Christy-Anne and Jeanette (I'll introduce you to her soon, too) are going to take the downstairs bedrooms and I'm going to take the two--that's right! two!--that are upstairs! Both Christy-Anne and Jeanette proposed excellent reasons as to why they wanted the bedrooms downstairs and I actually preferred the ones above, so it all worked out! And I don't have to pay any more than they do just because I'm getting two rooms! And they will be fun to paint as well. I've decided to turn one room into my study-music-art room and the other into my bedroom. At only $725 a month (that's about $240 between the three of us!), it really can't be beat!

You know what else is awesome? I don't even have to say "goodbye" to the apartment I'm moving out of because my great friend Jeremy is going to move into it! And since he and I are writing music together quite frequently these days, I'll be over here jamming with him all the time! How great, because I really loved living here.

Oh! And since we found this awesome house to move into, did I mention that this week, I received a raise at work? Yeah! I was given my first six-month review and got an awesome score, so they gave me a raise! I must say, it compliments my medical, dental, and stock option plans quite well!

It's amazing how things work out so perfectly when you just wait for the "okay" from God. I can honestly say that is how I've been doing things for the last four months and it's like He's doing the work for me! All I have to do is pay attention and God delivers. Highly recommended.

And once again, I have to point out Christy-Anne's pixieness! I can't get over how gorgeous she is! How can I not love her?! If you only knew her story... You'd call her a pixie too!

Deep Breath and No Regrets.

2006-06-02T00:01:00.000-04:00

Everything I will accomplish in this life will be entirely motivated by the pure and indestructible desire to please God and not myself.

I refuse to live my life out of spite. I'm better than that.

You are too.

Currently listening to:

Sufjan Stevens
The Avalanche

Welcome to Funkytown.

2006-05-31T23:28:00.000-04:00

Today was ridiculously fun. I went roller skating. That's right! It was old school! And I got blisters! I can't believe roller skating was so much more challenging than any time I've roller bladed or ice skated. Try turning on those things! It's not nearly as easy to do as with roller blades, with wheels in single file that make smooth, curvy corners as pleasant as eating cake!

Of course, Mr. PerfectAtEverything, could skate laps around me--but didn't because he's nice like that--as well as occasionally performing this nifty thing where he would turn around in a beautiful twist, gliding gracefully backwards across the hardwood floors. All the while I maintained focus, trying not to trip over my left toe, which had a strong, impulsive desire to collide into my right toe on a constant basis.

I fell at least seven times. Which was new for me, and I liked feeling something different! It's not often I think to myself, Wow! I'm really bad at this! And I liked that. It made me appreciate the things I am good at. And it made it a lot easier to laugh at myself when I fell flat on my face.

However, I do have to give myself a little bit of credit. I should have figured George would be great at all that stuff anyway. Just the night before, we were hanging out in the parking lot in front of Subway and he was doing flips and landing on his feet and springing into handstands and breaking into sprints, like he did when he ran track in high school... It was really fun to watch.

I know incredible people.

You Do That!

2006-05-28T23:09:00.000-04:00

Have you ever tried to spell out an email address to someone? Over the phone? It's not as simple as you may think!

Today, I found a house for rent and after negotiating with the lessor over the phone, she decided to give me her email address. She spelt it once and then I tried to confirm its correct spelling.

"Okay, let me double check to see I have this right."

"Alright."

"It's 'g', like 'goat'..."

"Yes."

"'P' like 'pig'..."

"Yes."

"'E' like 'elephant'..."

"Uh huh."

"'A' like 'aardvark'..."

"Yep."

"And the letter 'r' like... um... like 'rastafari'?"

"..."

"And then the numbers 7-2-7-6-5 at AOL dot com?"

"Yeah, that's right. What did you say for the letter 'r' again?"

"Um. 'Rastafari?'"

"...I don't even know what that is."

"Actually, I don't either," I lied.

"Wow."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that."

"It's okay."

"Alright, so I'll email you."

"Okay, you do that."

Rastafari?! RASTAFARI?! How about "rabbit" or "rhinoceros?" "Rattlesnake?" "Reindeer?" "Raccoon?!"

Nope. I said "rastafari."

Brilliant, really.

Poetry.

2006-05-27T16:42:00.000-04:00

This is very comforting.

Dear Starbucks Customer Letter #2

2006-05-08T02:54:00.000-04:00

Dear Starbucks Drive-Thru Customer Who Orders from the Passenger Seat,

Please understand that you are at a further distance than say, the driver, in relation to the speaker. So when I ask you to repeat your order because I'm having difficulty hearing you, please consider my position. Do not get out of the car and scream into the speaker, "I WANT A MOCHA LATTE!" because truthfully, it really hurts my head. When I confirm your order, saying, "Alright, sir. What size mocha would you like?" Please don't argue with me and scream even louder into the speaker, "NO! I SAID I WANT A MOCHA LATTE!!" because that hurts even worse. When I try to explain the difference between a mocha and a latte, please don't get frustrated. I'm only trying to help.

Sincerely,
Starbucks Employee #1318456

Kitty Envy.

2006-04-16T14:13:00.000-04:00

Today, I was on my way to work when I saw my cat chasing a butterfly across the lawn and my very core became absorbed with jealousy. How'd she get so lucky?

Narcissistic America.

2006-03-28T00:21:00.000-05:00

Lately, that phrase has been echoing in the back of my mind.

"Narcissistic America..."

And sometimes, it varies and I think, "Narcissistic me..."

And I go back and forth between the two and ponder their significance. I really don't want to be part of what has become increasingly apparent to me each year I get older, which is that the world is in love with itself. I always knew it before, but I've only recently acknowledged this fact in the last six months or so. I think America especially loves itself because I live here and every American is on MySpace, people are constantly comparing themselves to everyone else and no one is satisfied because everyone is in love with themselves. And I'm no better, because I have this blog and this other blog (both of which I love) and I also have a MySpace and I look forward to comments, because I enjoy being validated and knowing that people find me interesting enough to read and I compare myself to other bloggers and think about how I can be better, funnier, more entertaining, and sometimes even prettier... And then I feel pathetic and unoriginal because just like everyone else in this country, I have this desperate need to be praised and liked by other people. And then I think about Donald Miller and everything I've read of his and how I think it'd be amazing to write books like the ones he's written (comparing myself again) and how he talks about Adam and Eve when the only validation they ever desired came from God before they ate the apple.

And even though I've admitted to all of this, I still want to drive to Nashville to hear Donald Miller speak on April 2nd and attempt to meet him afterwards to tell him something so profound that it will make him want to know me, so that he would want to be my friend, so that perhaps, in the future, we could sit down together over tea and chocolate grahams to discuss collaborating together on a new book because I want him to think that I would be a brilliant co-author... I admit, I desire the validation of Donald Miller.

I am "Narcissistic America."

Bitch & Moan.

2006-03-23T00:48:00.000-05:00

Unlike many students at my school, when I give a devotion, my tendency is to complain whereas most others are "singing praises" or reciting some verse that God supposedly "revealed" to them over the weekend.

For me personally, it's nearly impossible to be moved or inspired by what feels like the same devotion over and over again. You've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times...

"Okay, well, over the weekend, I was trying to figure out what I wanted to speak to you guys about today and so I turned to the Word and God led me to this particular verse which says 'blah blah blah' and it occurred to me that I don't blah-blah enough and I think it's the same for a lot of us. So I just want to encourage you to blah-blah more and see what God does in your life..."

I'm Christian. I'll be the first to admit it. But for some reason, it's so hard for me to relate to sermons or devotions like these when it occurs to me that someone who isn't Christian won't relate. If a verse from the Bible is going to inspire or move anyone, shouldn't it be even more relatable for the person who isn't a "believer" or who doesn't assign themselves a Christian belief system? Sure, Christians can learn from the Bible and should, but the Bible isn't a Christian book. It's a book for all humanity. It wasn't written exclusively for followers of Jesus, but for anyone who has ever felt lost, alone, miserable, and disconnected from everything - basically, everyone!

Last Sunday, I ventured to the Vineyard Church in Chattanooga, which had been referred to me by many as "such a cool church" and a place that I would "appreciate" compared to the hundreds of churches in the area.

And I'll be honest.

I wasn't all that impressed.

Whether I'm right or wrong for doing it, whenever I go to what is considered a "Christian function," I tend to play the "may or may not be Christian" role. Because I want to know how I'm treated if they think I might not be Christian. Are they kind? Inviting? Embracing? Is my religious affiliation all they care about or do they show interest in me as a whole person?

At Vineyard, I received hardly any impression at all. I wasn't greeted, except by those I already knew, and upon closer observation, it appeared that there was a vast amount of distance between those who were regular attenders and those visiting for the first time. Small clusters of people filled this huge room, giving everyone else around them the distance they needed to feel like a stranger. It wasn't just one group's fault. It was simply the air that filled the room. Unfamiliar, unfriendly, and somewhat cold. And it occurred to me that everyone there figured that everyone else was already Christian, therefore there was no need to introduce oneself or be friendly. It was a feeling of, "Well, everyone's Christian here, anyway. So big friggin' deal."

What did I like? The worship was nice. Not overly charismatic and not uptight. Generally, the music was laidback and I enjoyed myself during that time. What else did I like? The music used during the announcements. Like Sufjan Stevens, Coldplay, Death Cab for Cutie... Unfortunately, besides their excellent taste in music, I really didn't feel like they had much going for them in regards to community. Not just Christian community, but person-to-person community.

I know I'm picky. I know I'm critical. But I have reasons. I've seen what it can be like to attend a Christian service and feel like whatever I am, believer or not, girl or boy, gay or straight, that I was welcomed there and there was something Jesus had to offer my life. You don't have to be a Christian to learn and grow from the teachings of Christ. I'm tired of every sermon I hear being about Jesus being the Son of God, the Savior of Man, the sacrifice for humanity's sin. Nearly everyone, Christian or not, knows these things about Jesus. But does everyone know Jesus as a teacher, as a friend, as a man? He was those things too! But I feel like the church overlooks those aspects, ignoring those specific details about Jesus that we can learn so much from, which are the things we can relate to. Sorry, but I will never be a savior of humanity, a sacrifice, a prophet, or likely any sort of spiritual figure that changes the face of history. I'm just one person. So what does Jesus, the man, the spiritual revolutionary, have to teach me, a lonely girl, disconnected and afraid? I truly believe it's these things that allow people to relate to Christ and see themselves in him that lead them to accepting him as their savior. But the feeling I get is that the church is so anxious to "save" people, they neglect Jesus' relatability.

Regardless of my Christianity, I want to learn from Christ, just like I want to learn from Martin Luther King, Jr. or Gandhi. Because I know that by learning about their time on earth, I can become a better person. Not just a better Christian, but a better person. Before I am a Christian, I am a human, and if I want to make a difference in the world, I have to be able to relate to humanity, not just to other Christians.

The only place I've ever experienced what I'm talking about was at Campus Crusade for Christ at Cascadia Community College. I went, almost on a whim, because my heart ached for fellowship. I went by myself, thinking I would slip in and out, unnoticed, but that was hardly the case. I sat in the back of the room, listened to the worship and enjoyed the short bible study, and barely after standing to leave, I was surrounded by more than half the group. Curious about who I was, where I'd come from, what I was studying, how I'd learned about Campus Crusade, and on and on... And the best part? Not once did they ask me if I was "already a Christian" or ask me the same question indirectly. They were just glad I was there and that they had the opportunity to befriend me.

If I could find that again here, I would be flabbergasted. And so, maybe I should turn loose of my distaste for even the "coolest" church here. But I know how things can be and I've seen what churches are capable of, with congregations mixed with believers and non-believers alike, all brought together for the same reason, which was that they believed there was something they could learn from Jesus, as well as from each other.

And that's all I really have to say about that. For now.

Quote.

2006-03-09T23:42:00.000-05:00

"Encourage. Empower. Embrace. Everyone." - La.

I have the greatest friends ever.

Dear Starbucks Drive-Thru Customer Letter #1.

2006-03-05T00:40:00.000-05:00

Dear Starbucks Drive-Thru Customer,

Please do not come through the drive-thru to order three large drinks and then sigh exasperately into the speaker when I tell you the total. Furthermore, do not drive up to the window to wince and grimace at me when I confirm your total for your convenience. If you have a problem with Starbucks' prices, please feel free to call Starbucks Corporate in Seattle and complain. Because, if you are at all intelligent, you would know that I, a simpleton in the Starbucks universe, have absolutely no control or influence in the costs of the company's drinks or products. If you notice no difference in the quality of these drinks, you can always hit up the corner gas station for their "cappuccino", which I'm sorry to say, is most likely reheated Folgers from the day before. But at least, over there, it's only a buck and 24 cents out of your pocket, right?

Sincerely,
Starbucks Employee #1,318,456

Out of Practice.

2006-02-28T14:35:00.000-05:00

I need to confess something. I am completely out of writing practice. It's embarassing. In that regard, I feel like a retired athlete who has decided to return to their sport after several years away.

Rusty.

I miss the type of writing that involves in-depth thinking and self-edifying skills. I've had so many doubts in my abilities during the recent months, it has kept me from trying. That's no excuse, I know, but I'm certain every writer expriences a lapse of self doubt on more than one occasion. This has been one of mine.

There have been several times in the past weeks where something interesting took place and I thought, "I could write about that." But I didn't. Other times where I said to myself, "That is funny. I should write about that!" But unfortunately, I didn't...

Part of it is lack of motivation. I've had so much to think about and deal with (or put up with) recently, I've had little to no interest in participating in this magical thing that I love so much, which is so sad. Because I am fully aware of the kind of joy I get from writing. Why have I deprived myself of that?

I think something I need to do is explore the part of my mind that loves to create. I need to write some stories, good or bad, to remind myself of the many, many reasons why I am so passionate about the written word. And in some way, to prove that I can still do this. Because even at this very moment, I hesitate to publish this, for fear of the inevitable obligations I willingly force myself to take responsibility for. Expectations will need to be met, above all, my own.

Maybe I'm being too melodramatic but I haven't felt right for a very long time, so if this seems silly to you, you simply don't understand that writing is part of my identity. So much so, when it's not there, I feel like an imposter. More than painting, more than songwriting, more than taking pictures... I love the power and immortality that words possess.

It's taken a long time for me to humble myself enough to write all this down. But now that I have, I feel a lot better. Like an alcoholic might feel better at their first first AA meeting when he or she says, "Hello, my name is ______ and I'm an alcoholic."

Yeah. It's a relief.

Post-It Notes!

2006-01-17T21:20:00.000-05:00

I don't care what people say about Starbucks. They can complain about their drinks or their prices, but they can't complain about the people who work there. At least, not from what I have seen.

The people I work with are some of the greatest people currently living on the planet, I am sure. Take Saori (pronounced "Sow-dee"), for instance. She is from Japan and left this note for me just before she got off her shift. She jotted down my name in Japanese onto a post-it and said, "Have a grood day, Carree!"

How can that not be adored?

Post Bah-Hum-Bug.

2006-01-10T23:23:00.000-05:00

Spring semester starts tomorrow. A new year, a second start. I'm readying myself, listening to Wilco and picking out something "trendy" to wear. Those two activities are so contradictory to each other. Wow.

All this New Year business has started to grate my nerves, actually. Everyone's talking about their "good feeling about 2006!" and they appear to be getting off to a great start. No offense to you, the optimist, I just haven't had my chance to give it a solid, swift kick. My misery is justified, so please don't fuss.

Although most will disagree with me, I haven't made any New Year's Resolutions, but coincidentally, have recently decided to make new, some different, choices.

Perfect example. I'm tired of not recycling. People around here don't recycle. I don't know if it's a Southern thing, a Tennessee thing, or if it's just this city. But people here do not recycle. Everything. Every last thing. Paper, plastic, aluminum--everything goes in the trash! And I really don't know why it hasn't itched it's way under my skin until now. So I've located some recycling centers in the area. The nearest one is almost 30 minutes away, but I'm doing it. Of course I won't be a nut about it, turn vegan and start weaving daisies into my hair. But I'm going to encourage it. It feels lazy and uncaring towards the earth otherwise. And I'm fully aware how corny that sounds.

Maybe a few lights have turned on in my head. It feels like there are certain things that should take place and I think too many of us leave them to the rest of the world, counting ourselves exempt of the responsibilities of humanity. Myself included.

Take care of the planet. That should be so obvious. How dumb am I?

Inner Investigations.

2006-01-09T01:47:00.000-05:00

A person cannot be contained inside a box. They have no limitations. Physical limitations maybe. Emotional limitations. But who they are is endless, like the universe. They just keep going. Someone who used to be shy can turn into someone outgoing. A socialite can turn into a recluse. A narcissist into an altruist or philanthropist. Who they were will remain part of them, but just not as strong. We change. Our ideas of ourselves change. We encounter new situations and they cause us to question ourselves, what we believe or believed.

I think it can be said that in our lives, we go through periods of bliss and periods of turmoil and we feel like one will eventually subdue the other. One will take permanence. Because whether we're experiencing that blissful or tumultuous time, we always ask ourselves the same question.

"How long will this last?"

As simple as someone may seem, I know they are infinite. God is infinite, so they must be also. People who label themselves one thing or a couple of things have really started to disappoint me. Recently, when someone has asked me what I do, I've had this impulse to say "I am me," and nothing else. But I know they won't understand, and so I say what makes sense to them. "I'm a student. And I work at Starbucks." Sorry, but I much prefer my first answer. I don't know how many times more I can go without saying it instead.

I moved out here, away from everyone and everything I know, and in the process, forgot who I am. Admitting to this is scarier than I thought it would be. How could I lose myself so easily? I already know the answer is because I lost my sight on God.

I'm not sure how to be anymore. I want to be myself and know that people enjoy who I am. To live without expectations from anyone, so I can make mistakes and be forgiven, encouraged, and loved despite. I live in fear of what I could do wrong, even if I haven't done anything wrong yet. Eventually, I will do something wrong, and the present fear keeps me from myself. It's exhausting, living this way. All my energy and joy is smothered by the constant worry about whether or not I'm being how I should be. Sometimes, trying to be what people expect me to be ends up being the wrong thing to do. But when I'm myself, I do wrong too.

I miss when the only expectations I had to meet were the ones set by myself and God. If I failed myself, I could give myself a good tongue-lashing. And if I failed God, I would cry and say I was sorry and I'd try harder and God would whisper in my ear, "I love you, even in all your faults and sin. I love you so much. I won't let you go, even when you do wrong, because I adore you." And when I heard that, it made me want to be that much better.

I am something beautiful decorated in flaws.

My "I Hate Wal-Mart" Post.

2005-12-03T21:59:00.000-05:00

Wal-Mart: A Personal Revelation
I am submitting this to the school newspaper.

I didn’t grow up with a Wal-Mart in my hometown. In fact, I think the closest one was an hour and 15 minutes away. When my family went grocery shopping, it was at Safeway, Albertson’s, QFC, or TOP Foods. For all other products, we’d venture to Fred Meyer, Costco, or the mall. These had always met our needs.

While visiting a friend when I was 19 years old, I made my first trip to Wal-Mart and thought nothing of it. Just another place to buy stuff, I figured. I am 21 now and in the last year, I have become more familiar with Wal-Mart and “Wal-Martian society”, as I like to refer to them.

For those who have always had Wal-Mart and shopped there the majority of their lives, living without one is unbearable. Unimaginable even. Some are so acclimated to the Wal-Mart shopping experience that they are completely unaware of how ridiculous the whole process is. Take it from me, an outsider—a Northerner, a Yankee, whatever you decide my problem is—and consider the following truths.

Wal-Mart parking lots are typically the size of a small neighborhood, but rarely more than half occupied. All those perfectly unused spaces are disregarded and forgotten for that “good spot” near the entrance—that one space that will eventually become available—which only one of many cars will be lucky enough to snatch! Yes! Because God forbid they walk more than ten yards to get through the sliding doors!

But that’s nothing compared to the experience inside. If you thought the cluster of cars outside was rough, the crowds of people inside will make your head spin. Don’t expect to be “in and out” in a flash just because you only came to buy toilet paper and a new toothbrush. Just forget it. The isle ways are jam-packed with carts, people and children. When you finally do obtain what you came for and turn to leave, the row of 20 registers only have three employees assigned to them and the rest are vacant. Ten items or less? It’s the longest line of all. Self-service? Half of those are broken. Just pick a line and wait. Eventually, you’ll manage to exit—get out, escape, flee!—and you, your toilet paper and toothbrush can finally go home.

Face it. Going to Wal-Mart is miserable and depressing. This is why I haven’t been there in five months. That’s right. Five whole months. Because I realized that saving a little money by shopping at Wal-Mart doesn’t make it worth it in the long run. Whenever I left Wal-Mart, I would feel agitated and relieved to be leaving. It became worth the extra few dollars to buy what I need elsewhere and walk away without asking why I bothered going in the first place. These other stores are timely, efficient, and pleasant—attributes I can’t associate with Wal-Mart.

Recently, a documentary film titled “Wal-Mart: the High Cost of Low Price” was released in selected theaters, supposedly revealing many of Wal-Mart’s inner workings and objectives. In other news, certain religious groups are protesting Wal-Mart for its recent extraction of the word “Christmas” from much of its products. Despite this related information, it’s not because of it that I haven’t been to Wal-Mart or won’t go there anymore. It is more on the basis of preference rather than politics. It is not my intention to convert people into anti-Wal-Mart shoppers. It is, however, my goal to describe my perspective, in case you hadn’t heard or read it before.

If I had to imagine your reaction to all this, I’d guess it was similar to the reaction of a family friend when I told her I hadn’t been to Wal-Mart in many months.

She gasped, saying, “Carly, that’s a sin!” but she paused, reconsidered, and smiled. “I wish I could do the same.”

Elizabethtown Review.

2005-11-03T20:30:00.000-05:00

Review: Elizabethtown
The following is my third submission to Lee's newspaper, "The Clarion".

“Everyday needs a purpose.” This is a quote from a great movie. A movie that reminds us to live passionately. A story that makes us want to do things. This movie is worth applauding. And it’s called Elizabethtown. It is Cameron Crowe’s newest film, which he wrote, directed, and produced. In it, he tells a semi-biographical tale using a luscious American backdrop and an array of music ranging from Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers to Patty Griffith.

Orlando Bloom is Drew Baylor, a young man whose eight year plight to design the “perfect” shoe turns into a $972 million blunder. He loses his job, his girlfriend, and his self respect. And when he thinks life couldn’t be worse, Drew’s sister calls to inform him that he’s also lost his father. As he strains to keep his own life together, it is up to Drew to keep his family from unraveling as well. This means returning to his father’s hometown of Elizabethtown, Kentucky, to retrieve his father’s remains and discover roots he never knew existed. On his flight, he meets Claire (Kirsten Dunst), a quirky flight attendant who immediately takes an interest in Drew. Drew tries to dismiss her, as he is far too busy swimming in a sea of pity and self loathing. But strangely, he cannot ignore her luminance and a romance buds between them.

Crowe’s accurate portrayal of the South and the people we recognize there, their good and bad attributes, struck me as noteworthy. The infamous Southern hospitality, the home cooking, the disapproval of cremation, summer humidity, and the grudge toward those who leave their Southern roots to live elsewhere. Crowe didn’t miss a mark and I was pleased at his ability to tell the truth.

While watching the film, I found myself thinking of various words to describe Elizabethtown. “Whimsical” was one. “Joyful” and “melancholy” were others. But the word that repeated itself over and over was “unconventional”. This movie was unconventional in the best sense. Crowe’s chosen method of film making was much different than what I have seen in many years. It seems that he was attempting to tell a relatable story, which required an unconventional storyline. Because how often can we identify with a movie, saying to ourselves, “That could actually happen to me”? Others have misconstrued the “unconventional” aspect of Elizabethtown with “having too many storylines.” This is not the case. Every step in the story follows accordingly and cannot be left out. That is how life is. One thing after the next. Life keeps going. It never stops. And Crowe depicts this fact of life perfectly, without losing his audience or damaging any character’s consistencies.

Movies are capable of possessing vitality and Elizabethtown is full of it. “If there’s one thing I learned, it’s that ‘success,’ not ‘greatness’, is the only god that everyone on this earth serves,” Drew says as he embraces a new life. That was a lesson to me. As well as a reminder. Because there is far more to life than just my own.

2005-10-10T23:54:00.000-04:00

As I Promised...

I was driving down Ocoee St. accompanied by Sufjan Stevens and his amazing time signatures when I started thinking about what I want to do...

In life.

On Earth.

As an aspiring journalist.

Somehow, it struck me that just because I'm an undergrad shouldn't stop me from practicing active journalism right now. How many pursue a good story, a person, or a place, at such a time as when they are still learning about the profession itself? I have recently discovered there aren't too many. And I feel a personal responsibility to write about life, not just from a writer's perspective, or as an American citizen, or as a member of the human race, no... But more simply, as a student. A student who doesn't know anything, but has everything to learn.

I've come to realize that if I take on that journalist mentality now, the more I will succeed in my goals and ambitions. Who I write for will ultimately be decided in how much enthusiasm I invest in their stories of interest. So why wait? Maybe I'll shave off a few years worth of stepping stones if I start taking those steps now, as I get more and more educated. And perhaps, in the process, I can provide a refreshed, authentic outlook from someone who is still just learning...

2005-10-09T23:25:00.000-04:00

Wait For It...

I'm going to write something tomorrow. Promise.

Java-Junkie Review.

2005-09-25T15:01:00.000-04:00

Review: Java Junkie, Funky and Cool
The following is my second submission to Lee's newspaper, "The Clarion". Enjoy.

With my 100 per cent fruit, no-sugar-added strawberry smoothie, I situated myself in the most comfortable place at “Java Junkie”, which is the big, comfy sofa chair near the front window. Oh, the splendor! Oh, the glory of its kooshy-ness! Immediately comfortable, I assumed the role of the wallflower, listening quietly to pleasant conversation and floating in dreamy thought. In this place, it’s easy to meditate or think about everything and nothing in particular. There should be more places like this.

I observed the decor, noting the Mexican theme throughout the coffeehouse with pale orange walls, wrought iron pieces and tile flooring. To my right, a series of three photos hang–a burro, the Mexican desert, and a cactus–and when I look left, I notice live cacti at the entrance, welcoming customers as they come in. Occasionally, a sudden burst of thirsty customers will arrive. They crowd around the glass display, anxious to smell the coffee brewing from behind the counter and to salivate over the pastries. “Java Junkie Junkies,” you might call them. Veterans of the “Junkie” menu.

Someone orders, “I’ll have the Iced Raspberry Mocha, please.”

Wow. That sounded scrumptious. I might try that next time.

I reached for a magazine resting on the large coffee table in front of me. Bride Magazine. I plopped it down and shuffled through the others. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much to choose from. I recoiled into my seat and reached for a book from my bag. I sipped my smoothie and read, periodically lifting my head to observe others and their drinks.

An emphasis must be placed on the assortment of drinks, both coffee related and not. Personally, I prefer the smoothies. I have a palate partial to fruit. However, there is no doubt coffee lovers will leave here satisfied. There are mochas and frappes you may not find at other coffeehouses. At least, none that taste this great. It should also be noted, “Java Junkie” has a back room containing more sofa chairs with cup holders in the armrests. They are lined up side by side and it is rumored one can relax and watch a movie here. I did not have a fair chance to try this myself, but you can count on it.

In such a soulful and charming little café, it impossible not to enjoy oneself. But of course, like all good things, they must come to an end. Disappointed upon finding nothing left but strawberry seeds at the bottom of my cup, I collected my things and said farewell to the big, comfy sofa chair.

Until we meet again...

Switchfoot Review.

2005-09-21T17:26:00.000-04:00

Review: Switchfoot, Noise Is Sound
The following is my first submission to Lee's newspaper, "The Clarion". Enjoy.

San Diego rock music never sounded this good. Oh wait, yes it has! It sounded much better two, four, and seven years ago. In Switchfoot’s latest full-length album, Nothing Is Sound, the San Diego rockers exude mere fragments of what we have always recognized exclusively in the band. Should we be angry? Should we be concerned? The answer is a resounding "No" and I’ll tell you why.

Since the transition from Sparrow to Columbia (Sony) Records in early 2003, Switchfoot has been touring hard, playing more than 400 shows in less than two years. Their worldwide (or should I say whirlwind?) tour included the US (twice over), Africa, and Australia. With no available studio time, the band members found themselves laying down tracks for their latest album in the short minutes before gigs, in bits and pieces, between performances with the help of some fancy-schmancy Apple notebooks and an electronic drum set, I might add.

It is safe to say the guys of Switchfoot, Jon and Tim Foreman, Chad Butler, Jerome Fontamillas, and Drew Shirley, are exhausted. Their weariness can be clearly heard in Jon’s lackluster vocals, gloomy lyrics, and restricted resources. While the album holds certain successes with "Stars", "Happy is a Yuppie Word", and "The Shadow Proves the Sunshine", other songs like "The Blues", "The Fatal Wound", and "The Setting Sun" are repetitive and seem formulated. Jon’s voice breaks and he fails to reach those tonal peaks he has in the past. Despite the solid chorus of "Lonely Nation", I was distracted by its murky lyrical content with verses like "We are the target market/ We set the corporate target", only to be reiterated later in the enigmatic "Easier Than Love".

It’s monotonous.

Now before you start thinking I hold nothing but contempt for the album, understand that I am judging the record, not the band. I do not hold it against the members of Switchfoot as to why Nothing Is Sound sounds like nothing special to me. Jon Foreman is the same philosophical thinker with favorite words like "entropy" and "infinite" and he has by no means lost any of his talent. The album has catchy riffs and it’s great to sing (or scream) along to. But it is obvious that Nothing Is Sound is the quotient of an overwhelming schedule multiplied by limited means.

Jon is quoted on the band’s website saying, "I’m very proud of [Nothing Is Sound] and feel like this is better than anything we’ve done so far and yet I’m anxious to beat it." I will echo this, emphasizing my own anxiousness for whatever is to come. But until that sixth release, my suggested antidote is several months surfing on the San Diego beaches, quality time with family, and hours spent in the Foreman’s basement writing a noteworthy followup.

2005-09-20T20:26:00.000-04:00

Briefly.

I want to feel magic again. I want to know inspiration. I want to sit in my living room and daydream about all the wonderful things that exist in the world. I want to take pictures and paint, revealing what I look like on the inside. I want to find myself observing a stranger, asking every question about who they could be with my gaze. I want to stop worrying about the future and live in the present and believe it's the best place to be. Right here, right now. I want to seclude myself from everything and everyone for a couple weeks to pray and fast and dig through the piles of baggage that clutters my spirit right now. I want to absent mindedly dance or sing in my bedroom, pretending to perform a show for an audience. I want to be near water. I want to hear the sound it makes. I want to believe I'm the star of a movie that God is watching and thoroughly enjoying.

Ahem.

2005-09-19T23:47:00.000-04:00

Reinstated.

Are you glad?

Excuses, Excuses.

2005-07-22T00:44:00.000-04:00

As you've probably already noticed, I haven't had much time to write the last few weeks. And it bothers me each day, because I really miss writing. But creatively, I've been feeling stunted. So I've decided to take a break from writing regularly for the remainder of summer break, to try and get the juices flowing again once school starts in late August. I supsect I'll be back around at the start of September. Until then, have a great last few weeks of the summer and I will too and I'll come back with a lot more to write about. Lots of love. carly.

No Place Like Home.

2005-06-19T15:05:00.000-04:00

Typing at a rapid pace on Friday, I found myself in a meditative state. While my conscious was at work, my subconscious was concentrating entirely on ambition. How it varies between persons and how one individual's ambition can be set so much higher (or so much lower) than another's.

How does someone get to be 50 years old and be working as a manager of a Wendy's? Or not even? Was that their life's ambition? Or did a choice they made in their past lead them down that path to which they could not find the way off? Did they want to find a way off? Was it their education? Was it their family? Are they happy doing this or do they desire something more?

Personally, I'd go crazy. But there are people I have met whose goals in life are not to get the highest paying job. They desire no power, no wealth, and no status. Only the simpler things. Like staying in the same place they grew up their whole life because it's home and there's no place like home. So they work wherever at doing whatever because it doesn't matter, so long as they get to stay home. If they can do that, they are content. Their happiness is fulfilled. Because there ambitions stop at home.

Would we have managers of Wendy's or garbage men or truck drivers or hotel desk clerks or telemarketers if everyone's ambition was to be the Executive CEO of some international powerhouse company with an office at the top of a skyscraper in New York City? I don't think so.

If there's something you want and you want it bad enough, it's extremely difficult not to get it. Forget how much it would cost or how much you would need to sacrifice - none of that matters when what you want is more important than how much you have in your wallet. It will take time and it will take effort, but if it will make you happy, it hardly seems like work at all.

Do you honestly believe that I could sit at a desk for the next 20 years working in finance and be happy the whole time doing it? No... But if it'll help me get closer to what I really want, then I'm ecstatic. There's nothing better than knowing that each day, you're that much closer to what makes you truly happy. It's there, you can see it. You simply have to work to get there. And it feels so good once you've accomplished your goal. Because not only will it finally be made a reality, but you'll have worked your tail off to get it. Thereby making it something very well deserved.

In Case You're Interested.

2005-06-07T18:18:00.000-04:00

I started a more casual, day-to-day blog here: Ocoee St. Named for one of the main streets in town. Originally, carlybish.com was supposed to be more journalistic than bloggish. So I've decided to start a seperate blog as a means for me to get carlybish.com back on track.

Hope you enjoy. It'll be good if you're just curious about my daily life routine. Happy reading!

2005-06-02T18:02:00.000-04:00

Growing Pains.

This week, I spent the majority of my time doing what people do when they're stressed, which is to think too much about too many things. My life, my goals, my financial obligations, my crucial relationships - what needs to change and how can I do that? I've been evaluating my choices and after a week's worth of severe contemplation, I've drawn some pretty basic conclusions. One of the most obvious?

Try even harder.

I've ignored certain areas of my life for too long and I've grown weak in character because of my negligence. Friends, family, God - they all took hits from me. And I apologize to them all from the deepest part of my soul.

So many people care. So many worry and fret over me. Because they love me. And I've given nothing back but lackluster effort. How did I get so selfish?

I'm drawing the line against myself. Enough is enough. I am fed up with what I have become. It's high time I taught myslef a lesson and grew up a little.

Brace yourselves.

2005-05-31T20:22:00.000-04:00

Wouldn't It Be Nice?

Sometimes, I'd like to take all my bills, moosh them up into one big ball and send one check, to one place, to pay for it all.

Oh, to dream of such convenience.

2005-05-28T19:01:00.000-04:00

An Honest Plea.

I owe money. Lots of it. Email for details.

2005-05-26T17:53:00.000-04:00

Oh, the Drama!

Every day this week has provided a great deal of emotional turmoil. I am overly sensitive and I get very defensive, very quickly. I do not know why. I'm angry, I'm stressed, I'm anxious and sad and all these emotions have twisted themselves into a giant knot, which I keep trying to untangle, but can't because there's always something else on it's way.

It just so happens that my iTunes is playing Switchfoot's "Let That Be Enough" and the chorus is ringing, "Let me know that you hear me. Let me know your touch. Let me know that you love me. And let that be enough." So old school, but so what I need right now.

I just want everything to be right again. I'm getting desperate.

PS. I'm a big, fat baby.