One kiss shared shortly after midnight. One year since the day we met. One thing I could never thank God enough for.
Homesick.
It's Friday and I cannot tell you how glad I am that this week is over and the weekend is finally here. I'm so relieved.
You see. More drama ensued after Mr. Joe Williams' initial refusal to my lease. He called me. Again. At my work. And he proposed a negotiation.
Sigh...
I will not go into the details. All I will say is that after meeting him in person, I can think of a cluster of fictional villains based on his person. And it saddens me that this man feels the need to belittle those around him in order to gain status, power, money, and whatever else. No sense of courtesy or the slightest hint of integrity. None.
But I'm done with the whole situation. After this, I won't ever speak of him again. I promise you (and myself).
After the encounter, I came to a realization. And that's what I'd like to write about.
Norma, cubicle buddy and best friend here, went through all this turmoil with me. She witnessed the discovery, my excitement, my enamored expression when we went inside the apartment, and she saw my devastation when it was all taken away from me. And she went with me to meet Junior and she stood by me and let me speak and when I said everything I wanted to, she took me out for a drink.
"What makes me sick," she said, sipping her latte and piecing her thoughts together, "is that I could see in your face, when you were in that apartment, that it was the first time you've felt at home since you moved here."
She is an amazing woman. Very few people can look at me and just know what I'm thinking, what I'm going through, and relate. As much as I say out loud, I have a great deal of secret thinking that I would never admit and the only way to find me out is to be miraculously intuitive.
But this time, Norma knew it even before I did. But as soon as she said it, I knew it was true. I'm not upset about the apartment and I'm not bitter toward Joe V. Williams, III... I'm so sad that I found home, but it won't get to be home.
And all I want is to go home.
It's Friday and I cannot tell you how glad I am that this week is over and the weekend is finally here. I'm so relieved.
You see. More drama ensued after Mr. Joe Williams' initial refusal to my lease. He called me. Again. At my work. And he proposed a negotiation.
Sigh...
I will not go into the details. All I will say is that after meeting him in person, I can think of a cluster of fictional villains based on his person. And it saddens me that this man feels the need to belittle those around him in order to gain status, power, money, and whatever else. No sense of courtesy or the slightest hint of integrity. None.
But I'm done with the whole situation. After this, I won't ever speak of him again. I promise you (and myself).
After the encounter, I came to a realization. And that's what I'd like to write about.
Norma, cubicle buddy and best friend here, went through all this turmoil with me. She witnessed the discovery, my excitement, my enamored expression when we went inside the apartment, and she saw my devastation when it was all taken away from me. And she went with me to meet Junior and she stood by me and let me speak and when I said everything I wanted to, she took me out for a drink.
"What makes me sick," she said, sipping her latte and piecing her thoughts together, "is that I could see in your face, when you were in that apartment, that it was the first time you've felt at home since you moved here."
She is an amazing woman. Very few people can look at me and just know what I'm thinking, what I'm going through, and relate. As much as I say out loud, I have a great deal of secret thinking that I would never admit and the only way to find me out is to be miraculously intuitive.
But this time, Norma knew it even before I did. But as soon as she said it, I knew it was true. I'm not upset about the apartment and I'm not bitter toward Joe V. Williams, III... I'm so sad that I found home, but it won't get to be home.
And all I want is to go home.
Change Can Be Good.
So there are a few quirks to work out, but for now, it'll do. I've been wanting to do this for some time.
So there are a few quirks to work out, but for now, it'll do. I've been wanting to do this for some time.
Rebound.
Quicker than expected, I'm recovering from the loss. I had a day of self pity and there's nothing more I can do. Andy and friends from work have assured me that I will find a place just as soulful and funky as the apartment I lost. And because they truly believe, I've started to also.
In other news, I got a kitten. Quite spontaneously. A little calico. I saw her and I could not say "no". And thank goodness I didn't, because she's great. I'm still grieving "Josser" and "Kip", who I shared with Amy, but we had to give them up for adoption. Very difficult decision, but I know they'll go to a great home.
I named my new kitty "Hazey Jane" for the song by doyouevenhavetoask.
Quicker than expected, I'm recovering from the loss. I had a day of self pity and there's nothing more I can do. Andy and friends from work have assured me that I will find a place just as soulful and funky as the apartment I lost. And because they truly believe, I've started to also.
In other news, I got a kitten. Quite spontaneously. A little calico. I saw her and I could not say "no". And thank goodness I didn't, because she's great. I'm still grieving "Josser" and "Kip", who I shared with Amy, but we had to give them up for adoption. Very difficult decision, but I know they'll go to a great home.
I named my new kitty "Hazey Jane" for the song by doyouevenhavetoask.
Entirely Gutted.
I won't be getting the apartment... Apparently, the man who owns it is a big, fat crook who will look for any reason to sue you. And I simply won't venture that way. His name is Joe V. Williams, III and he made an unruly call to me this morning at my work and chewed me out without even introducing himself first. I'd go into the whole long story, but it's really not worth the time. I'm just so completely disappointed by the whole situation. It was the apartment. My apartment. Still is, in my opinion! And because of one lousy "rat's ass" (as I put it earlier when I was fuming) who doesn't care about anyone but himself, I won't get it.
The thing is... He won't get anyone else to take that apartment. There's no way. By openly offending me, he's lost a great tenant who pays all her bills on time, every time - something hard to come by these days. And just being honest, for someone like myself to desire a place like this is hard to come by! I know this is true!
But sorry. If he's pissed off because my lease doesn't include some bit about "court fees" (yeah! he half expects to take me to court already!) and refuses to authorize my residence unless I'm held completely responsible for those "court fees", then there's something chemically imbalanced in his tiny, chauvinistic, inheritance greedy brain.
Sorry, Junior. I don't play your type of games.
I won't be getting the apartment... Apparently, the man who owns it is a big, fat crook who will look for any reason to sue you. And I simply won't venture that way. His name is Joe V. Williams, III and he made an unruly call to me this morning at my work and chewed me out without even introducing himself first. I'd go into the whole long story, but it's really not worth the time. I'm just so completely disappointed by the whole situation. It was the apartment. My apartment. Still is, in my opinion! And because of one lousy "rat's ass" (as I put it earlier when I was fuming) who doesn't care about anyone but himself, I won't get it.
The thing is... He won't get anyone else to take that apartment. There's no way. By openly offending me, he's lost a great tenant who pays all her bills on time, every time - something hard to come by these days. And just being honest, for someone like myself to desire a place like this is hard to come by! I know this is true!
But sorry. If he's pissed off because my lease doesn't include some bit about "court fees" (yeah! he half expects to take me to court already!) and refuses to authorize my residence unless I'm held completely responsible for those "court fees", then there's something chemically imbalanced in his tiny, chauvinistic, inheritance greedy brain.
Sorry, Junior. I don't play your type of games.
More intererior shots to come in the future. Until then, you can just imagine what it looks like inside. For now, here's the outside. Rustic, ugly, but oh so charming.
Apartment #6.
I found it! I found it! I effing found it! A new place to live! The apartment! My paradise and haven! My sanctuary! Heaven! Everything I wanted, I found! By ACCIDENT!! The situation is so entirely amazing, I'm completely beside myself!!!
The apartment of my dreams... Is waiting for me to move in... Right now... Just waiting...
I'll describe.
Big. Old. Brick, painted white, but the paint is peeling. The front door creaks and the walls have been plastered and painted a strange orange color. The hard-wood floors are faded. The windows are huge. Living room, bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, dining room - they're all seperated from each other by walls! Actual walls!! The kitchen floor is black and white checkerboard. The dining room has walls painted brick red. The ceiling reaches 14 feet high. Plus, it has a yard and it's in the heart of downtown, so I can walk or ride my bike just about anywhere.
It's funky and it's lopsided and I'm head-over-heels in love with it!!! AND! AND! AND! The lady said I can paint the walls whatever I freaking want to!!! WHATEVER I WANT!!!
This has been one of the happiest days of my life. You really don't know what all this means to me... This is a real-life dream-come-true. When I was younger and dreamt of moving out, I always pictured some rustic, quirky place, with cracks and strange dents from people who have lived there in the past. A place I could decorate as colorful as I wanted. And I finally found it... Wow. I'm just so happy. So very happy.
I found it! I found it! I effing found it! A new place to live! The apartment! My paradise and haven! My sanctuary! Heaven! Everything I wanted, I found! By ACCIDENT!! The situation is so entirely amazing, I'm completely beside myself!!!
The apartment of my dreams... Is waiting for me to move in... Right now... Just waiting...
I'll describe.
Big. Old. Brick, painted white, but the paint is peeling. The front door creaks and the walls have been plastered and painted a strange orange color. The hard-wood floors are faded. The windows are huge. Living room, bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, dining room - they're all seperated from each other by walls! Actual walls!! The kitchen floor is black and white checkerboard. The dining room has walls painted brick red. The ceiling reaches 14 feet high. Plus, it has a yard and it's in the heart of downtown, so I can walk or ride my bike just about anywhere.
It's funky and it's lopsided and I'm head-over-heels in love with it!!! AND! AND! AND! The lady said I can paint the walls whatever I freaking want to!!! WHATEVER I WANT!!!
This has been one of the happiest days of my life. You really don't know what all this means to me... This is a real-life dream-come-true. When I was younger and dreamt of moving out, I always pictured some rustic, quirky place, with cracks and strange dents from people who have lived there in the past. A place I could decorate as colorful as I wanted. And I finally found it... Wow. I'm just so happy. So very happy.
Bushy Bearded Dream.
There are things we can't recall, blind as night that finds us all
Winter tucks her children in, her fragile china dolls
But my hands remember hers, rolling around the shaded ferns
Naked arms, her secrets still like songs I'd never learned
Has someone's music meant so much to you that you hesitate to see them perform live out of fear you'll appear just another shallow, uninspired fan? I do... But I'm still going to go. Because I'll always know how much I appreciate his songs, even if I never get the chance to tell him.
Tomorrow evening. The first concert I'll have been to since last summer. I am so glad my show season is kicking off with Iron & Wine first.
Sam Beam, your lifestyle (being a college professor as well as songwriter) is one I aspire to and greatly admire. I can't wait to hear you live. I'm writing this to you, so by chance, if you come across my silly blog, you'll know I'm not just a fan in a Garden State drunken stupor. Your music really is amazing and you came around just when I needed you.
I'll see you tomorrow night.
There are things we can't recall, blind as night that finds us all
Winter tucks her children in, her fragile china dolls
But my hands remember hers, rolling around the shaded ferns
Naked arms, her secrets still like songs I'd never learned
Has someone's music meant so much to you that you hesitate to see them perform live out of fear you'll appear just another shallow, uninspired fan? I do... But I'm still going to go. Because I'll always know how much I appreciate his songs, even if I never get the chance to tell him.
Tomorrow evening. The first concert I'll have been to since last summer. I am so glad my show season is kicking off with Iron & Wine first.
Sam Beam, your lifestyle (being a college professor as well as songwriter) is one I aspire to and greatly admire. I can't wait to hear you live. I'm writing this to you, so by chance, if you come across my silly blog, you'll know I'm not just a fan in a Garden State drunken stupor. Your music really is amazing and you came around just when I needed you.
I'll see you tomorrow night.
Carly is ______.
Oh, what little I have to say... Yet, deep down, I know there is so much. I suppose I'm waiting for the next big thing to happen. Coughsummercough. It's out there. Lavishing itself somewhere over Europe, no doubt. Berlin! Vienna! Prague! I shake my fist at you!
...I've sat here the last 20 minutes, wishing for something else to say, but nothing comes to mind. So I guess I'll just go to bed and wait for that thing.
Oh, what little I have to say... Yet, deep down, I know there is so much. I suppose I'm waiting for the next big thing to happen. Coughsummercough. It's out there. Lavishing itself somewhere over Europe, no doubt. Berlin! Vienna! Prague! I shake my fist at you!
...I've sat here the last 20 minutes, wishing for something else to say, but nothing comes to mind. So I guess I'll just go to bed and wait for that thing.
Tuning in to A E C G.
Sometimes, I like to reward myself for things that aren't typically rewarded, ie. getting an acceptance letter from a university when all associates (both former and present) have received acceptance letters approximately three years ago.
This time, my gift to myself comes in the form of a $14 ukulele and the ambition to teach myself how to play it. Yes, a ukulele. Do you have to ask why?
My last musical undertaking (which I am still attempting to master) was that of an egg shaker duct-taped to my shoe for some added percussion.
I'm tired of doing the same things, recycling the same songs, going to Thirsty Thursdays every Tuesday, with nothing new to put on the open mic table.
Whatever I come up with, I promise to share with you. I know I've talked about my songwriting and guitar playing and never actually provided samples. But I promise, when the first finished product arrives, you'll get a listen. It just might be a while, since the ukulele frets are so much tinier than what I'm used to. Blast these neon strings and their incessant flexibility! But I'll get used to it.
Sometimes, I like to reward myself for things that aren't typically rewarded, ie. getting an acceptance letter from a university when all associates (both former and present) have received acceptance letters approximately three years ago.
This time, my gift to myself comes in the form of a $14 ukulele and the ambition to teach myself how to play it. Yes, a ukulele. Do you have to ask why?
My last musical undertaking (which I am still attempting to master) was that of an egg shaker duct-taped to my shoe for some added percussion.
I'm tired of doing the same things, recycling the same songs, going to Thirsty Thursdays every Tuesday, with nothing new to put on the open mic table.
Whatever I come up with, I promise to share with you. I know I've talked about my songwriting and guitar playing and never actually provided samples. But I promise, when the first finished product arrives, you'll get a listen. It just might be a while, since the ukulele frets are so much tinier than what I'm used to. Blast these neon strings and their incessant flexibility! But I'll get used to it.